I thought watching Father of the Bride would be a fun, light-hearted, girly way to spend my Saturday evening. I thought I would laugh and cry along with Annie and George Banks and their family. Yes, I knew I could cry, but I thought it be because I was so happy and entranced in the movie, not because I missed my dad and all the moments we won’t get to share together. I guess I didn’t really think about the title of the movie. Father of the Bride.
One part of losing your dad is coming to terms with the fact that he won’t be able to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. He won’t be standing at the altar and give you away to your husband-to-be. He won’t be able to dance the Father-Daughter dance with you. He won’t be in your wedding pictures smiling because he is so happy that you are so happy. He won’t be there to share in the most important day of your life. For me, this has been one of the hardest facts to face.
I miss my dad. Obviously. I miss his presence and his voice, but I miss the little things the most. I miss his phone calls asking me about school and reminding me to be safe in this scary city of New York. I miss how every time C and I came to visit him, he always said, “You two are so in loooove” in his twang of a Texas accent. I miss how, even though he loved C, I know he would have freaked out when I got engaged. I miss how I was always his little girl and how he wanted to protect me the from all the bad in the world.
Tears are falling as I type this. I know my dad won’t be there on my wedding day. It was one of the first hundred thoughts that entered my mind when I found out he had died. I try not to think about it too often because every time I do, I start crying. Like now. So this is where I stop.