A change occurs

It’s Friday night and I’m home alone. I don’t mind it though. Actually, I prefer home to most other places. Home is comfortable and relaxed. Not to say that I don’t like new places and being put out of my comfort zone. But tonight I wanted to be home. I wanted to sit on the new couch, spend some time writing and thinking, drink wine, and watch some mindless television. The fancy clothes, expensive drinks, and small talk weren’t on the to do list.

Last night I spent almost an hour on the phone with C. We talked about a lot, but didn’t really resolve anything.There were a lot of tears, a lot of angry words, but some sweet, reassuring words, too. However, the conversation ended with him saying he wanted to “take a break”. I cried and we hung up a few minutes later.

I didn’t want this again. We have been through so much over the past 5 years, ups and downs. I thought this was just another down.

Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s the end?

I don’t know.

He mentioned that I should figure out what I want, what I need, and learn to take care of myself.

I guess it’s (partially?) true. I relied on C for a lot, probably more than I should have, during our relationship. But these past few months have been especially hard for me and I didn’t know where else to turn. He was my rock and solid ground when everything else seemed to be falling apart. I needed that. I needed something to keep me from falling too.

But since he’s not there anymore, I’m hoping that being able to lean on him for those months has allowed me to become strong enough to handle myself- by myself.

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10 responses to “A change occurs

  1. thegoodnamesaretaken

    This sounds so difficult but sometimes, we really do have to stand on our own for a bit. I hope you’re doing okay and that you enjoy the weekend by doing something for yourself.

  2. thegoodnamesaretaken

    This sounds so difficult but sometimes, we really do have to stand on our own for a bit. I hope you’re doing okay and that you enjoy the weekend by doing something for yourself.

  3. I’m sorry hun. If you want to talk, let me know!

  4. I’m sorry hun. If you want to talk, let me know!

  5. I think it’s really important that we learn how to stand on our own and figure out what we want/need/are willing to compromise, etc.

    However, with that said, don’t forget that you have a whole Blogosphere full of people to lean on should you need support πŸ™‚

  6. I think it’s really important that we learn how to stand on our own and figure out what we want/need/are willing to compromise, etc.

    However, with that said, don’t forget that you have a whole Blogosphere full of people to lean on should you need support πŸ™‚

  7. Oh Ashley! Hang in there. It’s cliche to say that relationships are hard, but … yeah. You’ve certainly had a lot going on with you, and it sounds like he’s had some things to think about with him. Space is never an easy thing, but it may be what you both need right now to get back to the strong people you’ve been.

    I bet you’ll find that you’re more than tough enough to carry on for yourself. When you pull through, that strength will be yours always, no matter what happens with C.

    And who-hoo long weekends alone! Do something marvelous. Take a long bath, get a pedicure, and watch fun movies. That’s a basic summary of my plans, anyway! Hope you’re doing well, and you know how to find me if you ever want to talk πŸ™‚

  8. Oh Ashley! Hang in there. It’s cliche to say that relationships are hard, but … yeah. You’ve certainly had a lot going on with you, and it sounds like he’s had some things to think about with him. Space is never an easy thing, but it may be what you both need right now to get back to the strong people you’ve been.

    I bet you’ll find that you’re more than tough enough to carry on for yourself. When you pull through, that strength will be yours always, no matter what happens with C.

    And who-hoo long weekends alone! Do something marvelous. Take a long bath, get a pedicure, and watch fun movies. That’s a basic summary of my plans, anyway! Hope you’re doing well, and you know how to find me if you ever want to talk πŸ™‚

  9. well-intentioned heartbreaker

    i KNOW you are strong enough to be on your own. taking a break can be a hard thing because you are in such a difficult place. not necessarily over and done, but not together either. c sounds like an amazing guy who will be there for you if you need him. but in the meantime, take some time to yourself. do things you enjoy and try not to let it get you down too much. most importantly – be yourself. don't try to change who you are to fit what he currently wants. <33

  10. well-intentioned heartbreaker

    i KNOW you are strong enough to be on your own. taking a break can be a hard thing because you are in such a difficult place. not necessarily over and done, but not together either. c sounds like an amazing guy who will be there for you if you need him. but in the meantime, take some time to yourself. do things you enjoy and try not to let it get you down too much. most importantly – be yourself. don't try to change who you are to fit what he currently wants. <33

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