Attack of the killer cramps

Last night, or I guess it was really early this morning, around 5am, I was woken up by the most horrific cramps I have ever experienced. I thought my ovaries were going to explode. Sounds horrific, right? Well, it felt horrific. I thought I was going to die.

Somehow I made my way to the bathroom, back to my room, and took a few Advil. I crawled back into bed and waited for the medicine to do it’s thing.

I waited. And waited. And waited some more.

I tossed and turned from side to side. I tried curling up in a ball, doing Child’s pose (you know like in yoga), and laying flat on my back. Nothing helped.

I thought about calling my mom, but I decided to be a good daughter and not wake up her in the middle of the night with my cries of pain. There was nothing she could have done anyway except tell me it would be okay. Maybe that would have helped?

At one point I started thinking about how much the cramps hurt and how people say that giving birth is a million times worse. If those people are telling the truth, I can’t wait for my epidural. Seriously. I used to think that I wanted to have a natural child birth, but oh my goodness, not after last night. I wanted the pain to go away so badly.

I guess the pain killers kicked in a some point because I eventually fell asleep about 30 minutes later. When my alarm went off this morning I let myself sleep in a little longer. I figured I deserved some extra rest after the rough night I had.

Sometimes I hate being a woman because of all the monthly crap we have to put up with. I really don’t understand why men get to go through so easily and without ever being woken up by cramps. It’s really not fair.

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32 responses to “Attack of the killer cramps

  1. Aww, I’m sorry about your cramps! I used to have bad cramps until I decided to go on Seasonique for… wait for it… 4 PERIODS A YEAR. I sound like a walking advertisement, but I’ve been going 2 months without a period and I feel so good! And I’m not even having sex, I just didn’t want to have my period very often! Check it out! I hope you feel better!

  2. Aww, I’m sorry about your cramps! I used to have bad cramps until I decided to go on Seasonique for… wait for it… 4 PERIODS A YEAR. I sound like a walking advertisement, but I’ve been going 2 months without a period and I feel so good! And I’m not even having sex, I just didn’t want to have my period very often! Check it out! I hope you feel better!

  3. I hear you! I wish I could unsnap all the lower womanly parts and put them on a shelf until the 3 to 5 day torture is over. Yeah for Painkillers!

  4. I hear you! I wish I could unsnap all the lower womanly parts and put them on a shelf until the 3 to 5 day torture is over. Yeah for Painkillers!

  5. Man those are the worst! Luckily ever since I went on Yaz they’ve been minimal. Also, ThermaCare heat patches are the best for cramps. Hope you’re feeling better!

  6. Man those are the worst! Luckily ever since I went on Yaz they’ve been minimal. Also, ThermaCare heat patches are the best for cramps. Hope you’re feeling better!

  7. Your post made me cramp just reading about it. Yikes!

  8. Your post made me cramp just reading about it. Yikes!

  9. well-intentioned heartbreaker

    that sounds brutal sweetheart.

    i (thank everything holy and mighty) don’t get cramps. but, uhm, i think my pms totally makes up for it. i try to stay all happy and smiles through it, but i’ll likely think the world is going to explode and it’s all my fault and i should REALLY take it out on my girlfriend because WHY CAN’T SHE FIX EVERYTHINGGGG..

    yeah, i love her for putting up with me during my lovely little mood swings.

  10. well-intentioned heartbreaker

    that sounds brutal sweetheart.

    i (thank everything holy and mighty) don’t get cramps. but, uhm, i think my pms totally makes up for it. i try to stay all happy and smiles through it, but i’ll likely think the world is going to explode and it’s all my fault and i should REALLY take it out on my girlfriend because WHY CAN’T SHE FIX EVERYTHINGGGG..

    yeah, i love her for putting up with me during my lovely little mood swings.

  11. tylenol rapid release extra strength (500mg per pill) are the ONLY things that help me through those horrific times. there’s a history of super terrible cramping in my family (mom’s side) and sadly i’m no exception.

    if all else fails, i was on depo for some time, and that gets rid of your periods altogether (i’m not sure if that’s the case for everyone though). at least it eliminates the cramps.

    good luck next month…

  12. tylenol rapid release extra strength (500mg per pill) are the ONLY things that help me through those horrific times. there’s a history of super terrible cramping in my family (mom’s side) and sadly i’m no exception.

    if all else fails, i was on depo for some time, and that gets rid of your periods altogether (i’m not sure if that’s the case for everyone though). at least it eliminates the cramps.

    good luck next month…

  13. Child’s pose used to help me too, back in the day when I had awful cramps and all sort of other godawful period-related things.

    But I’m with thingsandstuf up there… Depo is a godsend. No periods, just a little crampiness when it comes down to the 3-month mark when I need to go get another shot. If you’re not planning to attempt to get proggo anytime soon, ask your doc about it!

    But PS… made me gain 10lbs, but my underdeveloped self appreciated it as I am no longer vitamin-deficient or hypoglycemic and I now have some semblance of boobs.

  14. Child’s pose used to help me too, back in the day when I had awful cramps and all sort of other godawful period-related things.

    But I’m with thingsandstuf up there… Depo is a godsend. No periods, just a little crampiness when it comes down to the 3-month mark when I need to go get another shot. If you’re not planning to attempt to get proggo anytime soon, ask your doc about it!

    But PS… made me gain 10lbs, but my underdeveloped self appreciated it as I am no longer vitamin-deficient or hypoglycemic and I now have some semblance of boobs.

  15. That’s the worst. Laying on your back with your legs up at a 90 degree angle helps sometimes – lay on the floor on your back and put you legs up on your bed (so they’re bent at the knee).

  16. That’s the worst. Laying on your back with your legs up at a 90 degree angle helps sometimes – lay on the floor on your back and put you legs up on your bed (so they’re bent at the knee).

  17. When I was sick a few weeks ago, I definitely woke up in the middle of the night in SO MUCH PAIN (it was strep throat) that I definitely called my mom. Luckily for her, I’m in Madrid and 3 am here is only 8 pm there, so I didn’t wake her up. UNluckily for me, there’s still nothing she could do!

    I also called her the next day at 6:30 am her time because I thought I had meningitis. Luckily she was awake and was able to laugh at me for being ridiculous – I don’t think she would have thought it was funny if I had woken her up!

  18. When I was sick a few weeks ago, I definitely woke up in the middle of the night in SO MUCH PAIN (it was strep throat) that I definitely called my mom. Luckily for her, I’m in Madrid and 3 am here is only 8 pm there, so I didn’t wake her up. UNluckily for me, there’s still nothing she could do!

    I also called her the next day at 6:30 am her time because I thought I had meningitis. Luckily she was awake and was able to laugh at me for being ridiculous – I don’t think she would have thought it was funny if I had woken her up!

  19. The Awkward Type

    seasonale all the way, I forget women even had periods!

  20. The Awkward Type

    seasonale all the way, I forget women even had periods!

  21. cramps are by far the most ridiculous/annoying things eva. gah.

  22. cramps are by far the most ridiculous/annoying things eva. gah.

  23. Good lord I hate cramps. there is nothing you can do while waiting for the Advil to kick in and you’re tempted to just tear your stomach apart to make them stop. Sometimes rubbing your abdomen can help

  24. Good lord I hate cramps. there is nothing you can do while waiting for the Advil to kick in and you’re tempted to just tear your stomach apart to make them stop. Sometimes rubbing your abdomen can help

  25. I hate cramps and cannot imagine how badly it must hurt to give birth. Ouch.

  26. I hate cramps and cannot imagine how badly it must hurt to give birth. Ouch.

  27. hi. i’m a new reader and i’m delurking myself.

    cramps are the worst, i pop midol like it’s my job for like a week straight. it’s pretty ridiculous.

  28. hi. i’m a new reader and i’m delurking myself.

    cramps are the worst, i pop midol like it’s my job for like a week straight. it’s pretty ridiculous.

  29. Cramps suck, I’m having a lot lately, and they are killing me.

  30. Cramps suck, I’m having a lot lately, and they are killing me.

  31. They’re called Death Cramps. Don’t tell me that’s not a medical term, because if it isn’t…well, then it darn well should be! 🙂

    I get them every now and again, and those are the only times that I want to go back to the hormonal madness that are birth control pills. Because I never had cramps while on them.

  32. They’re called Death Cramps. Don’t tell me that’s not a medical term, because if it isn’t…well, then it darn well should be! 🙂

    I get them every now and again, and those are the only times that I want to go back to the hormonal madness that are birth control pills. Because I never had cramps while on them.

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