The post-break up visit

You know what, bloggy friends? I just remembered that I forgot to tell you about last weekend. Not this past weekend, but the one before. I know I’m late, but I’ve had other important things to blog about. Anyway, last weekend…

I saw C. It was the first time since the break-up, or actually it was the first time since the beginning of August. The first time we saw each other in months.

He came into the city for the day, just to get away. He told me a few days before that he was coming and asked if he could bring some of my stuff. Even though I knew I was going to be busy working on my comp exam, I told him it would be fine. It seemed easier than having him ship boxes and then me having to go pick them up at the post office (Why do they always deliver packages when I’m not home??). So yes, I agreed to see him.

We created some rules because we both know how we are when we get together. We end up talking, we hug, someone gets that look in their eyes, feelings start to resurface, and then it’s too late. So, we had rules. He would bring my stuff, we would talk for 5 minutes, and then he would leave.

When the door bell rang I had just gotten out of the shower. I hadn’t even dried my hair yet. Great. Not what I wanted. How am I supposed to make you regret breaking up with me when I have wet hair??

Hi, how are you? Good to see you again. Here’s your stuff. Thanks, you can put it down over here. Can I use your computer to check my email? Sure, do you want a glass of water? Blah, blah, blah, this is awkward.

After about 30 minutes we started saying our good-byes. He invited me to lunch, but I declined thinking it was for the best. We hugged for a long time. I told him I missed him. He said the same. It was sad and we both cried. But then he left.

A few minutes later I realized I wasn’t ready to let him go just yet. I debated back and forth about what to do. Finally I texted him and asked if he was still close by. He had decided to eat lunch at the restaurant downstairs. Right. I knew this was too easy.

So I had lunch with him. We talked about our families, about friends, school, and the past. We laughed like old friends catching up. We smiled and it was easy. It was really good.

Then the conversation took a turn.

“I’m glad that we can sit and talk like this and that we are trying to be friends, I’m just worried about what will happen when one of us starts seriously dating someone else,” I said.

“Oh, I kind of already am,” he replied.

WHAT? Like seriously dating? It’s been what, like 5 weeks?

It took all my strength to hold back the tears. I did not want to cry over this. I am (or was, kind of) dating someone too, it’s just not serious. I want C to be happy. I want him to date other people. I do. I just don’t want to hear about it. I don’t want to hear that he’s happy with someone else and “really likes her”. I don’t want to hear it. Ugh!

It felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

I held in the tears and didn’t say much. He knew what he said. He apologized. He said it wasn’t serious, but that it could be. Thanks, but that doesn’t help much.

We left the restaurant shortly after that. He walked me back my apartment. We stood outside for a few minutes and talked.

I wasn’t angry or sad (about the other girl) anymore, just upset that he was leaving. I was sad because I was about to watch the past 6 years of my life walk away. Six years. And he was about to walk away.

We hugged again. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and grabbed his head, like I always used to do. I felt him cry. I hugged him tighter. We looked at each and said that we were sorry this is how things turned out, but that we would talk soon. We grabbed hands and with tears in his eyes he began to walk away.

I was being the strong one this time. I wasn’t crying.

He kept walking, farther away. I flashed a small smile and waved.

I walked inside… and then I broke down.

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25 responses to “The post-break up visit

  1. Ashley, it breaks my heart to read this. I’m so sorry you had to go through the pain and sadness all over again.

    Hang in there!

    -Jacqueline

  2. This totally broke MY heart too. I’m sad for you…and just sad! Always makes you wonder WHY can’t things work out, doesn’t it? Thinking of you and hoping the best for you. YOu’re such a doll and I have faith that you’ll find something wonderful in your future! *big bear hug*

  3. I’m so sorry 😦 Break ups are so difficult and it really ought to have a different name when it involved ending things with someone of 6 years. It’s tough, but you’re handling it well! Hang in there, dear. It’ll get easier.

  4. Oh honey I’m so sorry *hugs*. I’m glad you were able to keep a strong face in front of him, I can only imagine how hard that was for you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

  5. Uuuuugh so sorry that you have to feel like this 😦 You’re doing a great job getting through it though. Don’t let this set you back!

  6. Aww–that’s so painful! I’m glad you were able to enjoy some good moments with him over lunch, at least. That’s never any fun.

  7. I was getting a bit teary eyed just reading this. It sounds like there was some closure though, which is good rather than having things left open ended.

  8. Ughhhh this breaks my heart too, because I know exactly how you feel.

    It sucks so bad, and even though your trying hard to move on, sometimes a nice effort isnt enough. It takes time, and that time hasn’t passed yet. I’m pretty sure my ex is dating someone new too, although he won’t speak to me, so I couldn’t be sure.

    It’s good that you were able to hang out a bit, and try to gain that closure. Hang in there. We will get through it together!

  9. Ah honey, I’ve been in a similar situation, and I sobbed the whole way home. It will get easier, I know you know that.

    Thank you for sharing this, for reminded me just how much of yourself can go into a (good) relationship.

    Wishing you happiness and sparkly ponies.

    xox

    (Ok, the sparkly ponies thing was really just to make you smile.)

  10. Awww, I am sorry you had to go thru that. Breakups are always hard, especially one as long as yours. Hang in there. *hugs*

  11. Little Miss Obsessive

    Aw, I hate hate that feeling of hearing that your ex is with someone new (it sucks even when you are with someone new yourself). And seeing the ex always will throw you for a loop I think (I know it does for me).

    I’m so sorry that you had to feel that heart break again but you know what, it WILL get easier in time. Just keep your head up girl.. you’re so strong and sweet, I have a feeling you are going to meet an amazing guy one day who will really deserve you. 🙂 xo

  12. I’ve been ending a four year relationship for a while now. I feel your pain…

    It does get better. I promise. Hope you feel better soon. 🙂

  13. Princess Extraordinaire

    You are amazingly strong – I am so sorry it’s so tough right now but it will get easier – hang in there!

  14. *big hugs* I don’t know how you controlled yourself, but kudos. You’re much stronger than I would be in that situation.

  15. Woe 😦

    It is so hard seeing someone you love move on, no matter how much you want them to be happy. I completely know what you mean about doing the post-break-up exchange of stuff with an ex and not being ready to let them go, and sitting down with them, even when it isn’t the best idea in the world. I’m sorry you had to get that news.

  16. We rate movies with stars – but I rate your post with tissue boxes.

    You get: FIVE TISSUE BOXES.

    This post was a tear-jerker for me as well – not only is it well-written, but it was memory-jarring on a subject and person I try to push out of my thoughts.

    I can never see him without my heart breaking.

    Now he’s engaged.
    Getting married next September.
    To a girl that isn’t me.

    ..and sometimes he gives me that look.. one he’ll never explain, but he doesn’t have to – because I know it so well.

    I wish I didn’t know how he felt. It makes it so much harder.

  17. I totally know how you feel. I found out my ex is dating someone new last week too and it feels almost just as bad as the initial break up! (why is that?)

    The way I delt with it was just to try to erase any trace of him- phone #, email, ect. to force myself to let go. But it still doesn’t make it any easier. “Did I do the right thing and I miss him so much” run through my brain constantly. But I remind myself there was a reason it ended.

    ***HUGS*** You deserve more and you will find it. Don’t look back- just move forward.

  18. You write so well; even though your heart is breaking, I feel like I’m right there in that moment.

    It is SO HARD to find out that your ex is dating someone else. That recently happened to me, and even though it was me who did the breaking up, I’m still not quite over it–that he’s out and moved on and whatnot is heartwrenching. “Is that how little I meant to you? You’re already over me? Are you kidding?” These are things I felt like yelling. But I didn’t, and it got easier. It will for you, too. Keep on keepin’ on : )

  19. The Awkward Type

    You made me cry! I am so sorry. Only 5 weeks! Hasn’t he heard of the dating rule? If you were together 6 months, it takes 3 months to get over you!?

  20. well-intentioned heartbreaker

    ooh, ash. thanks for sharing this – it’s written superbly. (is superbly a word? i guess i should use words i know are REAL when commenting on someone’s fantastic writing.. oh well).
    you are a lovely little gem and honestly? i’m proud of you for holding it together while he was there. i’m sure it was HELLA HARD, but i’ve said it before and i’m sure i’ll say it again: you’re one of the strongest people i know.
    keep hangin’ in there, love. you’ll have good days and bad days, but over time, it will get better.
    ox

  21. *hands over ears*
    LA LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU, EX-BOYFRIEND!!!!

    Let’s have a little pity party, you and me :o)

  22. Wickedly Scarlett

    Wow… I can’t believe how strong you were!! I never was one who could stay friends with an ex–way too much history there for me. Hugs to you, and I hope you’re feeling better now!

  23. You nailed a couple of really great points that most break-up blogs never address.

    That awkward first time meeting up afterwords. It’s awkward how the dynamic changes, right? Offering a glass of water? Since when are we so formal. “Can I use your computer to check my mail” Who says that besides complete strangers?

    But that’s what it is when a break up happens.

    Guh.

    And I know what you felt when you heard he had found someone within 5 weeks. Happened to me too after a 6 year relationships… and she even brought him home for Christmas.

    Ouch eh?

  24. I really just teared up reading this post.

    Here’s a little quote I love.

    I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together – Marilyn Monroe

  25. Oh hun.. my heart hurts for you reading this! Good for you for not letting him see you cry!!

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