I was doing so well with the break-up. I hadn’t been sad in weeks. Every few days we would talk for a few minutes on Gchat or send each other funny youtube videos to watch. We were slowly moving into the “friend” category.
Then last night I saw his away message which read, “Doing work with the lady.”
I felt like I was going to be sick. Like someone had punched me in the stomach. I felt my heart begin racing.
I know he’s dating someone. We talked about it the last time we saw each other. That wasn’t what upset me. It was the fact that he put up that away message knowing I would see it.
I immediately signed off, shut my laptop, and got ready for bed. I didn’t want to think about it.
This morning when I logged back into Gmail, he was still on and his away message was the same as last night, “Doing work with the lady.” I debated whether or not I should say anything to him.
Finally, as I was sitting in class this afternoon I sent him a message saying I didn’t like his away message. I explained that it made me feel sick and I didn’t particularly enjoy thinking about him being with another girl.
At first he was nice about it and apologized saying he would take it down and not put another message up that was in reference to her. I told him I appreciated it and kept talking (probably not a good idea) about how upset I was.
That’s when he became defensive saying I was “catting around with random guys” so it shouldn’t matter what he’s doing. He’s seeing her exclusively and I’m seeing a bunch of random guys… so he’s obviously the better person.
He really knows how to make me angry.
I was sitting in class on the verge of tears and fighting the urge to throw my laptop across the room… so I told him I had to go and signed off.
A few minutes later I calmed down and decided to write him an email.
“First of all, I hate that you say I’m “catting around” with random guys. That’s not what I’m doing. I’m dating, yes. I’m getting coffee and having dinner with people. That’s what you do when you are single. I’m not sleeping with them. I’m meeting new people and going out on dates. I’m trying to move on. There is nothing wrong with that. Please stop making this into something that it’s not. I want us to be friends, but I’m still not completely over you. I’m trying to get there the best way I can, but it’s taking time. That does not make me a horrible person.
Second, it really hurts to think that you are already exclusive with another girl. I feel like we just broke up (even though I know it was over 3 months ago) and the fact that you could move on so quickly really makes me sad. I’m not trying to compare myself to her, it just feels like I wasn’t that important.
I’m sorry I bothered you with all of this. I didn’t mean to start an argument, I just wanted to be honest and let you know how I was feeling. You don’t have to change you message if you don’t want to, but I would really appreciate it if you did. I hate that I feel sick to my stomach every time I sign into Gmail because I’m afraid of what I might see. It shouldn’t be like that.”
He replied with a really nice email saying that I’m not a horrible person, that he didn’t mean to hurt me, that he still wants to be friends, and that he’s sorry for any pain he caused me.
I don’t know why exactly, but as I was reading his email I started crying.
I wasn’t angry anymore, I was more sad.
I cried because I was grieving the end of our relationship. It’s like it’s just starting to become real. He’s dating someone else and we aren’t together anymore.
I know it will get easier with time. And I know we will stay friends.
So it’s fine if he doesn’t understand why I want to date several people before settling into an exclusive relationship again. And I can understand that he may really like this girl and want to be with her right now. That’s fine.
I just don’t want to have to read about it every time I check my email.