One year

One year ago today my dad died. I spent that afternoon with him in the hospital, but then that evening when we all left to go home, he decided it was time for him to go too.

We weren’t expecting him to go so soon. I was in shock for almost a week. Even still, a year later, it doesn’t seem real some days.

My sister and I couldn’t have asked for a better dad. He knew how to make us laugh, he knew how to push our buttons, and he knew how to teach us right from wrong.

On my sixteenth birthday, he surprised me by filling my bedroom with balloons. He had spent all afternoon at the party store blowing up the balloons and driving them back to the house trying to make it a special day for me. He was always willing to take time out of his schedule to make sure we knew he cared.

Whenever I was having arguments with my mom, C, or friends, I knew I could always talk to my dad. He was always there to listen to my problems and he supported me through all the difficult times. He taught me that my feelings are important and I shouldn’t let anyone tell me otherwise. He taught me to trust my heart and do what I feel is right. I learned to trust myself and to believe in myself because of him. He encouraged me to do what I love and always told me that I could do anything. I wouldn’t be where I am, or have what I have, if it weren’t for him.

This past year has been a journey. Some days have been the deepest, darkest valleys when I’ve cried myself to sleep countless nights. I’ve felt my heart ache until I thought it would crumble into a thousand pieces inside my chest. I’ve also smiled more and laughed harder. I’ve talked with friends and family and given more hugs than ever before. I’ve become stronger. I’ve learned that I can go on when I think I’ve given all I have.

I can’t believe that it has been a year since I saw my dad for the last time. I miss him more every day, but I know he is watching over me. I know he was at my graduation smiling and cheering for me. I know he is with me when I’m sad and feel like it’s not worth trying anymore. I know that even though he’s not physically here with me, he’ll always be here.

One year later.

I love you, Dad.

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23 responses to “One year

  1. i’m thinking of you today! i’m sure it’s a bittersweet day; remembering the good times and realizing that he’s been gone for a year now. i’m sure he is very proud of you for your accomplishments in the past year!

  2. This is so hard… at my graduation last week I looked out at the crowd, saw my family, and started to look for my mom because she wasn’t with everyone else.

    I looked to the sky and felt better, but nothing really helps – does it? Isn’t is crazy how fast time goes?

  3. Okay, that made me cry 😦 I love Dads.

  4. I’m so sorry, I know from the corners of your life that you put up here that it’s been an impossibly hard year for you without him. I’m thinking about you today.

  5. your wishcake.

    I’ve learned that I can go on when I think I’ve given all I have.This is incredible, and I want to wish you the best as you continue your journey. You’re right: he is definitely still with you, watching over you, and is very, very proud. 🙂

    It’s a wonderful that your past is so full of such great memories with your dad! Such a blessing.

    You are in my thoughts today, my dear!

  6. Ashley:

    I am sorry for your loss. Time may ease the pain a bit, but it is still an incredible loss. Knowing that your Dad is watching over you is comforting I am sure. It sounds like he was a terrific father who raised a terrific daughter. His work was done 🙂

  7. I’m so sorry you lost your dad. in july it will be 6 years since my mom passed away. sometimes it feels like forever ago and sometimes it feels like just yesterday.

  8. I’m sorry Ashely and honestly cannot imagine all the emotions that you’ve dealt with this past year, but rest assured that he is indeed watching over you. You are am amazing person.

  9. This is hard, I lost a granddad and that made me unable to stop crying I can’t believe if it happened to one of my parents. I think as time goes you’re getting stronger, I’m really sorry for your loss.

  10. Beautiful. He sounds like he was an incredible man and father.

  11. That was beautiful, I might be slightly teary right now.
    Your dad sounds like he was an amazing father, you’re lucky for the time for had with him and the woman he taught you to be!

  12. You’re right he will always be next to you.

    Hugs!

  13. Classy in Philadelphia

    So sad 😦 I can’t even imagine. You have been so strong in the time I’ve been reading your blog!

  14. Aw, hon.

    Reading this reminds me how lucky I am to be home with my family this long weekend, sitting across from my dad. I'll hug him extra hard when I leave tomorrow… thanks for sharing this. I know it hurts, but you remind us all not to take what we have for granted…

  15. I’m so sorry to hear about your father, he sounds pretty incredible! I’m sure he is so proud of you right now!

  16. This is an inspiring post. You are so strong and I can only imagine how proud he is of you.

  17. I can’t imagine losing a parent at this age (or any age, for that matter). Thanks for a very touching, thought-provoking post.

  18. Im sorry to hear about your dad. *hugs*

  19. ChasingParadise

    You are right. He is always with you.

  20. My heart breaks for you, sweetheart. It’s wonderful that you do have so many memories of him though – hold on to those!

  21. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man, and I’m glad that you have so many good memories to keep you looking up as well as loving the past with him.

  22. The balloon story made me tear up.
    Dads are so special. I’m really sorry for your loss, it might or might not mean something from a bunch of random people on the Internet. But I’m sorry either way. 😉

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