Happy Thursday, blogosphere! While I’m snorkeling in Belize today the beautiful Passionista from Am I The Only One? is here to fill in. This lady is great. She used to write about her dating life on her previous blog but now that she has a boyfriend, she shares stories of her relationship and other daily happenings. Without further ado, I bring you… Passionista!
My thoughts on this continued as examples of the duality between passionate relationships and steady relationships have bombarded me recently in TV and movies. I was catching up on this past season of Lost. Sorry for those of you who don’t watch, but I saw a severe contrast between the relationship Sawyer had with Juliet versus his relationship with Kate. As my friend pointed out, it seemed that Sawyer and Juliet were way more suited for true love than the heat and passion that existed when Kate was with him. Truthfully, seeing the way Sawyer acted with Juliet seemed more endearing and stable, he clearly chose sustainability over chemistry. Then I watched the ultimate love story, The Notebook, over the weekend and saw yet another example, this time showing Ally choosing passion and an uncertain future with Noah over her seemingly steady relationship with Lon. I think she loved them both, but her passion and chemistry was so evident only with Noah. Lon could have offered a life she was probably used to living, but it was the spontaneity that Ally chose.
I thrive on passion and feel like its the only way to keep my motivation alive; motivation not only in relationships but my job and hobbies. The thing that I have noticed is that I almost feel as though I’ve tasted both sides of this coin before. My Ex and I led to an emotional demise after a three year long on and off, mostly on, relationship. Ex was the type of guy who went about life routinely and frustratingly showed his love predominantly in the bedroom. While this was suitable for me at first, I realized not too quickly that the rest of my needs were severely lacking. Sure he would surprise me with the little things that he knew I liked and the occasional attempt at a home cooked meal, but that’s where his efforts ended before nighttime activities began. Our chemistry was great and I was never wont for spontaneity, but I was certainly longing for long-term boyfriend characteristics. The sense of responsibility and caring that makes someone clean their house and get a steady job. Ex did not have any of those qualities and I realized, after a long time, that he never would gain that resolve. What we had between each other proved unable to hold us together and we ended for good.
My current relationship is quite the opposite. My boyfriend has everything I could want in a future with someone, a steady job, education, and drive to succeed. He has his life together in ways I could not imagine having my life at his age. What I am sometimes missing? Is definitely the passion and dedication to keeping things new and exciting. Don’t get me wrong, in bed we are quite compatible, but there is no drive to go there all the time. He also doesn’t possess the motivation to make those little efforts that mean so much to me. It’s the little surprises that I often miss. At the same time he is more than trustworthy, secure, and all around great guy. We have minor tiffs in comparison to the uproars that my Ex and I could have and I find myself steady in this relationship more so than with Ex.
So my question I ask of all of you is what would you rather have? Would you rather have a relationship with lots of passion but uncertainty in everything else? Or a solid relationship with a secure future and yet devoid of passion and spontaneity? (I know it’s possible to have both, but for the sake of argument let’s say you have to pick one)
I think I know what I would choose.