Walking through the Rain

This wonderful post was written by Nora from Walking through the Rain. I’m not sure what happened… this was supposed to be posted last Monday, but apparently there was a problem with blogger so it’s just being published today. Please make her feel welcome here!

I have a lot of friends all in different phases of their lives. The marrieds who have started the baby planning process. The marrieds who party like they are 21 again. The engaged who are figuring out what their dream wedding looks like. The long-term daters who don’t even want to talk about engagement. The single (by choice). The single (not by choice). The I-only-date-guys-for-a-month-before-I-dump them.

I suppose I am now a “long-term dater,” as it’s been almost a year since I’ve been with my boyfriend but we don’t talk about the m-word. Not even really the e-word. What’s funny to me is that my friends who are single by either their choice or because the pickings are incredibly slim seem to think that I have forgotten what it’s like to be single.

So not true.

I can recount every gut-wrenching, might as well have ripped my heart from my chest and ran over break-ups as if they happened yesterday. I can recall the numerous stupid asinine dates I went on in the three plus years I was single. And so for your entertainment while the lovely AshleyD enjoys her well-deserved cruise, a few of my favorite stupid dating moments from various stages in my life.

* The guy: Named after a former NYC Yankees pitcher.
His claims? That he played basketball for Baylor. That he’s a radio talk show host. That he’s a 27 year-old virgin.
The second date: Mexican at my favorite local hole in the wall followed by a party at his former fraternity. Dinner was smooth sailing, the usual conversation, margaritas with excessive amounts of chips and salsa. I asked Mr. Pitcher to drop me off at my dorm post-dinner so I could do a quick refresh and change into an appropriate outfit for a frat house, saying I’d meet him there. Upon my arrival at the party we play lots of drinking games, make out, have a good time. Then suddenly Mr. Pitcher is gone. I find him on the top floor of the frat house, with a blond chick pressed up against the wall. Full on making out. What does Mr. Pitcher do? Turns, looks at me “Oh, hi, Nora. This is Jenny with an ‘i,'” and proceeds to make out with her. I left the party. He called the next day for a third date.
Decision: NO. Though we were clearly not exclusive can’t a girl expect her date to not make out with anyone else a mere two hours after the dinner portion of the evening?
* The guy: I met him while donating blood for one of our semi-annual blood drives. He talked me throughout the process as he knew I didn’t much enjoy the whole giving blood process.
His Claims?
Not your typical frat guy. Pre-law. Grew up without a father figure so more caring than most.
The Date: Dinner at a local steakhouse which was quite delicious except for the fact that Mr. Blood kept taking food off my plate without asking. On the first date. We then went to a local comedy club post-noshing. I admitted that it was my first time at a comedy club. Mr. Blood while playing bare footsie with me under the table: “I am so thrilled to be popping your comedy club cherry.”
I don’t think it helps that I came down with the flu after donating blood, that Mr. Blood was overly interested in me and when I said I really wasn’t ready to date anyone (trust me, I wasn’t) he accused me of not wanting to date him because he was heavier than other guys. Two months later he emailed me a picture of himself, a bit trimmer and asked if I would go out with him now that he was skinner since he knew I was “shallow,” like that.
Post College
* The guy: High school teacher. Blind date thanks to a friend
His Claims? Majored in history in college. Grew up with sisters so more considerate than most. Almost six feet tall.
The Date: He was shorter than me when he picked me up. Dinner and drinks at a local Italian bar & grill which he thought was in another part of town and wouldn’t listen when I kindly suggested we were going the wrong way. Excessive complaints about dinner. As we are walking to the car, ” Nora, are you ready to go home with me? Get to know me and my couch? Perhaps stay the night in one of my shirts?”
Decision: I told him I had an early morning the next day and that he needed to take me home immediately. End of discussion.
*The guy: Met him on match.com. Blind date for the most part.
His Claims? We went to the same high school together (This is true). Into yoga three hours a day. Prefers golfing to a real job.
The Date:: He was 45 minutes late. When I called him about ten minutes after the meet-up time to find out if he was on his way, he didn’t answer. He called another ten minutes later to say he forgot what time it was and was at a happy hour with his friends. He was on his way and that I should wait! I grabbed two beers at an outdoor cafe, thank goodness I had a book with me, and waited. Patiently. Knowing that I can’t eat fish, he takes me to a sushi restaurant. At least they had chicken on the menu. I’m sure he was nervous but the whole date was like an interview. “why don’t you do yoga? don’t you know it’s good for you? what’s your five year plan? do you like to golf? would you learn to golf? do you do drugs? would you do drugs? what’s your favorite thing about your family? what’s your least favorite thing about your job?” (No joke, he asked me these questions.) He also professed that he had a lot of trouble getting a second date with girls he was interested in. (Perhaps it’s because you verbally attacked them and didn’t let conversation go with the flow!) At the end of the night, Mr. Yoga to Nora: “So, uh, we’ll have a second and third date, right? Right? I mean, I’ll see you again, right? And maybe teach you yoga?”
Decision: We did have a second date scheduled but I had to cancel due to a shoulder/back injury (that was real). I also vowed to not stay and wait for a guy who was 45 minutes late for a date ever again.

I have at least another 15-20 ridiculous dating stories that I can think off the top of my head just from college alone. While there were many days when I wanted to rip my hair out of my head thanks to the awful dating scene I seemed to have landed myself in, they make for excellent stories.

Do you have a one-liner from a guy that you’ll never forget? A particularly bad date that you won’t be able to erase from your memory no matter what?

6 responses to “Walking through the Rain

  1. Great post, great stories. Just great.

    Oh dating…so (NOT) fun most of the time…

  2. Thanks for posting it and welcome home! can't wait to hear all about your stories soon =)

  3. OMG Nora, that's horrible. LOL

  4. Hilarious post.

  5. I had one date where he came by the place we were eating in a taxi (not so bad), arrived looking like he came out of the sewer(very bad). Holes in his black jeans, messy t-shirt with holes, and his hair was in a bandanna. We were going to a Italian restaurant. In the middle of dinner he takes off his bandanna to expose 10 different shades of hair color and his hair was longer than mine. He then preceded to rap and tell me that he is going to be famous in 5 years. Then he decided to try to let me get a tattoo by him. (he didn't have a license). Needless to say I left dinner early with no dessert(and I mean who doesn't love dessert). He asked me for a ride home which I gave him and then he texted me for a week telling me he had a great time. (EWW!)
    Totally love your post! I haven't forgotten about the dating scene either.

  6. I was on date #3 with this guy which was ending in my bed (we still had all of our clothes on) and then he proceeded to quote Tom Lykis about no more than 3 dates before they put out or get out.

    If he had waited 5 more minutes he would have gotten what he wanted. At least this saved me another notch on my bed post from a douchebag.

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