Nostalgia and Letting Go

I guess I’ve always been a nostalgic person.

As a little girl I used to daydream of living in another era (preferably the 1940’s or 50’s) and imagine for hours what life must have been like. As I’ve grown older I’ve become nostalgic of my own past. I love looking back at old photographs. I often think of my friends from elementary school and wonder what their lives are like now. And since everyone and their mom is on facebook now, I can spend hours looking at old friend’s profiles without leaving the comfort of my own bed. I browse their pictures and begin thinking back to the days when we were “real life” friends. Sometimes I become sad, wishing that I could stop time. Has is really already been 15 years since I last saw her? I can’t believe it. It makes me sad that those old times are gone and I’ll never be able to get them back.

Now that I’m going through another period of transition, moving back home from New York, old memories have started creeping up. Yesterday I began crying because I missed C. I don’t want to get back together (in fact, I’m excited about the day that I will meet someone new); I just miss the times we used to have together. It’s hard being back in my childhood home where the beginning of my relationship with C was born. I’ve spoken with him once since I’ve been home. It was good and happy, but also sad and difficult. I can’t imagine not having him as a friend in my life… but I think to get to that point, we have to separate for a while. And that’s hard for me to comprehend. He’s been such a constant in my life, and now that I understand he won’t always be there, I’m sad.

This Saturday would have been my dad’s 58th birthday. Of course, he’s not here to celebrate it, and that’s very hard. A few days ago I was looking at old pictures of him, preparing for the difficult day I know Saturday will be, and I felt my heart breaking all over again. I’m not good with saying good-bye, even over a year later. I miss him immensely and I still can’t believe he’s gone.

I don’t know how to let go. I can’t let go of the past- friendships I’ve outgrown, relationships that didn’t fit, or even those unexpected loses. I keep holding on.

But then another day passes and that moment becomes just another memory, another part of nostalgia.

It all seems to pass so quickly, doesn’t it?

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13 responses to “Nostalgia and Letting Go

  1. Aw, Ashley I’m so sorry this is a hard time for you, there are certainly a lot of things pulling you back into memory right now, but I’m sure that very soon there will be so much pushing you forward and driving you forward that those memories will feel easier.

    If you have skype I’d love to chat if you have any time! =)

  2. I know exactly what you mean. It’s hard to think of the memories sometimes, even the good ones. Keep your head up, everything will be ok.

  3. Who says you have to let go and move on? There’s nothing wrong with keeping your memories and the people you love close to your heart. You can hold on to your past AND create you future at the same time 🙂

  4. time does pass way to fast. I’m getting close to 25 now, and it scares me. everybody finds me silly, but getting older is scary. me getting older, means that my parents are getting older… i dread the day I have to live through what you have lived thorugh… then comes responsibilty… of! you loose touch with people… it is sad. not only x’s.. it break my hart thinking abut old friends who are not my friends anymore. we just grew apart…. i miss them. hope you settle in to you new place soon!

  5. Yes, it does. Time flies. And nostalgia kicks in and you can’t get rid of it. I know what you mean. I think it’s best to just accept it and then let it pass in its own time. There is nothing wrong with any of that!

  6. Part of why I’m having such a hard time packing is that I’m forced to look through so many things from the past. Of course there are many happy memories but there are a lot of sad ones too and it just feels like I’m digging everything up again. Last night, I found an old photo album with my senior prom photos in it and I realized that I no longer speak to any of the people in the photos (we’re facebook friends though, of course).

    I keep holding on too. I just hope it gets easier with time.

  7. I think about this a lot. How the day seems so present while it’s happening but it just blends into all the other days gone by as soon as it’s over. How all the ages I was previously seem to just blend together and some point I’ll be old and everything I’ve done up until then will be a big blur of memories. It’s so confusing.

  8. I think sometimes we never really let go of some relationships. You may not think on them everyday, but when something reminds you of them, you get nostalgic and sad all over again. That’s ok, that just reminds us of a lucky time in her lives and we can be grateful we had those experiences at all!

  9. Sometimes I think it’s okay to hold onto to certain things as long as it doesn’t interupt what your doing. Some things you can never really get over and instead of worrying about how; just move on with it being apart of you. Things will get easier but of course they will never be the same.

  10. I’ve always been nostalgic too and I totally used to dream about living in a past era. Maybe that’s why I majored in history…

  11. oh man i get nostalgic all of the time, it’s ridiculous. seriously i would be lost without my pictures, but even then i always find myself wanting to go back.

  12. I’ll be thinking of you on Saturday; hopefully the memories you have will somehow comfort you and get you through the day. You’re a stronger woman than I am, Ashley.

    Lately I’ve been “looking back,” at the past, thinking of past friends, trips, experiences. You are right in that it passes incredibly quickly. When I realize this, I tend to hold onto to the present much more than I have before.

  13. I am so very nostalgic especially when it comes to looking at pictures…the thing about C? Oh man, I know how you feel…..it also might help if my mom would take our prom picture off the wall (we aren’t getting back together anytime soon, mom!) It’s definitely frustrating. Keep strong and I will try too!

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