Are there rules?

So I’m finally moved in.  I loaded my car with the last load of clothes and boxes yesterday afternoon and drove the 80 miles to my new apartment. New Roommate helped me unload my car. Then, as I unpacked and set up my room, we talked. Later in the evening I told him I really wanted to watch Glee, and he only mildly made fun of me. This is a good thing. When it got late, we said goodnight and went to our respective rooms.

But that’s not the point, really. The point is that I don’t know how to live with a guy as a roommate.

When C and I were together, things were always comfortable. I basically moved in with him the summer before I started grad school and things were seem less. But now, since New Roommate and I aren’t dating, I don’t really know how to act.

Are there rules to living with a guy?

Are tops and bottoms to clothing required at all times? In New York my roommates (two girls) and I would walk around without pants or even just a towel. It wasn’t a big deal. I’m guessing that’s not the case in this situation?

What is the TV schedule? Do we split it 50/50? Because I won’t be a happy person without my Glee, Grey’s, Private Practice, and ANTM. I do have a TV in my room, but I don’t want to be the roommate that spends all her waking/non-working hours curled up in bed watching TV.

What if he is cooking dinner, and offers me half? It’s not like he’s really cooking me dinner, right?

Also, he brought an exercise bike from home and said I could use it at any time… but the he put it in his room. So do I assume I can go in there anytime and use it (most likely when he’s at work)?

These are just some questions that have come up in the past 24 hours. I’m sure I’ll have tons more after living here for a while.

But I can already tell that living with a guy is going to be a major adventure.

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20 responses to “Are there rules?

  1. Last semester I lived with 7 boys, and the summer before that I lived with 4. It worked out well because most of them were either a) unavailable or b) unattractive. I did hook up with one of my roommates last semester though and it was fine until it ended badly (unrelated to living together.)

    I guess I would just say treat it as if it were a girl you were just getting to know, and probably err on the side of caution with the dress code until he makes the first boxer appearance.

    Good luck!

  2. Hmmm. I don’t really know because I’ve never lived with a guy that’s not my boyfriend!!!

    Guy’s are pretty laidback though, so I’m guessing he will be cool with whatever you do – including going into his room and using his exercise bike!

    Good luck!

  3. I’m in the same boat as you. I moved in with TWO guys last month. The first couple days were awkward, but I’m becoming a little more free about things now. I had a similar situation with the exercise bike with my roomie’s piano. As I got to know him better I’ve realized he’s pretty relaxed about sharing and we have an open door policy.

    It is sometimes hard to drill it in your head that him being nice is probably just a roommate thing, not a datey thing. He’s just so cute…haha.

  4. It will be an adventure thats for sure. Personally I would rather have a guy roommate than a girl roommate I think. I am sure you will figure it all out after a few weeks. Congrats on being all moved in. I am really excited for you to start this new phase.

  5. I lived with four guys for about six months, one of whom became my boyfriend and still is! It worked out well, as we all had varying schedules. Often, if I was cooking, I’d offer some to the others if they were home, and they did the same. As for the tv, everyone had one in their room, though there was one in the living room too, but I was the only one that seemed to use it until football season began 🙂

  6. Ok i’ve lived with a variety of boys over the years (10 different ones in fact!) and yes there are a few things you don’t do (I never walked around in undies for example. Ok I lie, once, extrememly hungover I had a ‘no pants’ party but never again)

    But generally everything was fine, I still hung out in pjs on the couch, walking from the bathroom to my bedroom in a towel was no big deal. Sometimes we’d all cook dinner together, other times we’d cook seperately based on our different schedules.

    Hockey was the only thing that ALWAYS won out on TV (by mutual consensus), otherwise we took turns fighting about it and the majority of males/females in the room generally won.

    Girls tended to clean up on a more regular basis (ie every day) but the boys would tackle the huge, hungover, Saturday morning messes.

    We dealt with the fact they refused to compost, they dealt with recycling when they didn’t want to.

    Us girls talked girly stuff in front of the boys, they talked boy-stuff in front of us.

    Generally it all just sort of worked out with no major problems.

  7. Those ARE tough calls. As you already covered, you’ve lived with a guy before, but he was a boyfriend, so the rules and everything were pretty assumable.

    In this case, I say remain completely normal, as if you were staying with a family member. It makes everything safe.

  8. I would treat your new boyfriend as if he were your brother. You wouldn’t walk around in your panties if you were living with your brother, would you? Also, no affectionate touching (heaven forbid kissing) unless that’s ALREADY been discussed. Because you know it’ll just be awkward after.

    As far as dinner, hello, it’s cooking dinner, not a four course meal with $80 at Per Se in NYC. My roommies (girls) offer me leftovers because they know I like their cooking. If it was a boy doing it, same thing. He’s offering food. That’s it. It wouldn’t be weird if your brother cooked you dinner, right? But it would be weird if your brother starting giving you foot massages and buying you jewelry.

    Also, don’t assume anything – ASK! Just ask him if you can use the bike when he’s not home. Ask about the TV. Does he like to watch these shows too? Does he have particular shows he’s used to watching on that TV? Could you get a DVR? That’s why my roommates do. That really isn’t any different than if you were living with a girl.

    The only rules I would say are things that would be perceived as “intimate,” such as dress or cuddling on the couch, etc.

  9. I have only had male roommates since college. I really wouldn’t worry about it because “weirdness” about living with a girl probably hasn’t crossed his mind.

  10. How long do you want this repsonse to be? =) I lived with a guy for two years and our relationship was platonic as wel. I know a lot of people thought it wasn’t but we became like brother & sister, comfortable around each other and the first few months of NOT living with him were really hard.

    Here’s how it worked for us:
    * we both had our own shelves in the cabinets/cupboards for food and shared only if we offered it to the other person

    * Along those same lines, we did sometimes cook and share the food with the other person, because, why not?We were both busy people with crazy schedules so it made more sense

    * for the LONGEST time I made sure I was fully dressed in front of him no matter what time of day but within 6 months? I’d walk around in a towel in front of him and it wasn’t weird or awkward.

    * Whoever gets to the TV first gets to watch whatever they want no matter who’s TV it is =) We followed that rule and it worked out well. Granted, we didn’t have cable and weren’t home all that much but it was a good system

    * We split chores. We didn’t really talk about it, it just kind of happened. He would do the man things like trash, and repair stuff and I’d mop floors and clean the kitchen. Best arrangement EVER.

    *We’d let each other know in advance if we were going to have a guest over, no matter if it was friends or a guy/girl. Worked out SO well. That’s not to say that I’d disappear if his girlfriend came over, but at least I’d be prepared, have things I could do in my room and etc that wouldn’t bother them.

    If you want to discuss further or ever need to talk about it as you go, let me know!

  11. I don’t think I could ever live with a guy! Except that I currently do… but he’s my husband… so that’s different.

    Yeah good luck. I’m anxious to see if you can remain friends. I think you’ll either turn into more, or hate each other’s guts!

  12. Is he cute!?

    I lived with 3 guys before but that was kind of different since one of the guys was my husband (boyfriend at the time). The other 2 guys were good friends of ours.

    One thing I hated was the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable walking around in my pajamas and they felt fine walking around almost naked!

  13. chasingparadise

    I have absolutely no advice to offer on your living situation, seeing as how the only guy I’ve ever lived with is my fiance’. BUT congrats on finishing the move!

    Also, guys are much more laid back than girls, so I don’t think you’ll have many problems. That is, unless you develop a crush on him! Is he cute?

  14. I only lived with a boy once for a summer. It was temporary and his place so it is hard for me to give you any advice. It was a lot of fun though. I did make sure to be fully dressed at all time.

  15. Maybe you need a DVR? I have no idea… give it time. I’m sure you guys will fall into a rhythm.

  16. Oh cool! My friend Amber is living with a boy and she actually prefers it to living with a girl now- after the inital settling in =)

  17. i have a friend that’s living with two brothers and she said it is a little interesting to get used to, but that it’s also helpful to talk to them about some of the things like TV and food just to get it out there. good luck!

  18. I’m catching up on my blog reading. Congrats on the new job and the move to being on your own in an apt. Hope the roommate situation is going well…also – how did you end up this person as your roommate? I missed that.

  19. I lived with five boys in college. And I live with two boys and two girls now. In time, everything will sort of fall into place. It’s sort of a game of boundaries so just keep open communication and feel comfortable ASKING each other things. Passive aggressive behavior does not work with boy roommates!!!

    Let’s see – some of us hooked up, some of us cuddled in bed together without ever hooking up, some of us would never in a million years have imagined doing that. Walking around in a towel was definitely the norm but underwear not so much. Pajamas were completely acceptable at all times. Supper just happened as it happened – someone offered, you asked, you went to McDonalds. We did have ‘family supper’ every Sunday night which was nice. We rotated who cooked and everyone was always there.

    The TV wasn’t much of an issue. If you really wanted to watch something, you asked. If not, you watched whatever the boys were watching. If it was a problem, you went to your room.

    As far as the open door room policy? That’ll just depend on the two of you. Keep in mind that if you go into his room when he’s not home, you should be okay with him doing the same thing. We had a fully open door policy in our house but we were all super laid back and no one really cared.

    As far as bringing others home – it was generally okay. Usually a quick text was appreciated but nothing more than that was expected. If a group of people were coming to say (3 or more) then permission was usually asked for ahead of time.

    Girls cleaned far more than the boys. We drank their alcohol far more than they drank ours.

    Your situation is going to work for you. Really, the key is COMMUNICATION. You cannot assume that the boys ‘know what you are thinking’ or can tell when you are mad. They can’t really. Or if they can tell, they will think it is for something completely different.

    SO TALK. And have fun!

  20. Sweet nelly! I don’t think I could ever live with a guy. Platonically, that is. (But then again, I’m just weird like that.) I think it’s mostly because I’d always worry about some weirdness happening down the line…also, I like to have the freedom to walk around in my underthings, and maybe even make a sandwich without putting on decent clothing.

    Heehee.

    I’m sure everyone else is giving you better advice, and I’m sure things will work out just fine. Hurrah for a new place!

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