You may have noticed that I’ve been posting a bit infrequently lately. I’ve noticed.
And the reason: I’m struggling with what and how much I want to share on my blog.
Part of me wishes I was still anonymous so I could be 100% completely honest and write what my heart is feeling. But I can’t. I’m not anonymous. Since I made the switch, I’ve started feeling unsure. I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. I feel the need to build a wall.
And I hate that.
I hate that I feel like this because yes, I have a blog on the internet. And yes, I know that means people will read it. But still, I wish I had my old blog back.
I started blogging because it was a place for me to be me. It was a place where I was free. It was mine. I wrote some of my most personal thoughts there. I shared my baggage. I dug deep and laid it all out for anyone to read.
I miss that.
That blog helped me through so much. And this blog? It hasn’t been much more than a hassle lately. Sad, right?
With my new-ish lack of anonymity, I’ve added layers of armor. As a result, I feel like my writing has suffered. I feel impersonal. I feel like my posts have become superficial and stale. This blog isn’t what I want it to be anymore.
I need to find a way to change that.