So There’s This Guy…

On Thanksgiving Day I received a facebook message from a guy I knew in high school. Actually, we met in middle school where we had a few classes together. I thought he was really smart, really funny, really athletic, and totally my type. I had a crush on him. In high school we still ran into each other occasionally, but we didn’t really talk much. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since.

So when I got this facebook messageΒ  I was a bit surprised.

“I feel like every time I check facebook you are at the top of my news feed… How have you been? Where are you living? What are you doing? Hope you have a good thanksgiving.”

Umm… embarrassing! Am I really that person who is always updating facebook? Apparently so.

I wrote him back and said yes, I was in town for Thanksgiving and I casually mentioned that we should hang out sometime.

He wrote back and said that sounded great. I wrote back and said I was free Friday night. He replied with his phone number and said I should call him.

We met for dinner on Friday. It went as well as a several-years-have-passed-since-we-talked-reunion could go. We told stories about college, grad school, jobs, friends, and exes. The entire time I was wondering what was happening… is this a date? Or are we just old friends meeting for dinner? But then he paid for our meal and asked if I wanted to do something else.

It was a date.

We ended up back at his apartment watching a movie. There was hand holding. And butterflies. And racing thoughts.

And then he kissed me.

Before I left he asked if I wanted to do something on Saturday. He was really cute, nice, considerate, funny, and actually seemed interested in what I had to say. I definitely wanted to see him again.

So Saturday he took me downtown and we walked around UT’s campus. He showed me where he used to have class and where he lived freshman year in the dorm. It was all kinds of adorable. After our mini-tour we went to nearby bar to have a beer and watch a football game. We sat and talked for hours.

On our drive back to his apartment I took his iPhone and began looking through his music. As we pulled in to park I clicked on Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” and began singing along. (I have no idea why he has Taylor on his phone so don’t ask…) We got out of the car and he immediately walked over to me and started kissing me… as “Love Story” is playing.

It was like we had our own personal movie soundtrack. I kind of loved it.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. He called and asked if I wanted to go see a movie that evening. I said yes. We saw Pirate Radio (which I highly recommend!) and held hands/cuddled the entire movie. When the movie was over and we were standing at my car he said wished I didn’t have to go. Since I was driving back to my apartment (an hour and a half away) we didn’t know when we would see each other again. I told him I had a really good time and I would see him soon.

Monday morning he texts me. We text back and forth all day. He asks when he can see me again. I say I don’t know. He calls me that night and we talk for thirty minutes.

Tuesday night I decide I will drive back to Austin to see him. I have a meeting there Wednesday (today) and I can stay the night at my mom’s house. I let him know I’ll be in town. He asks if I want to grab dinner. I say yes.

I meet him at his apartment. He suggests we pick up a pizza and watch a movie since it’s a monsoon and freezing outside. The pizza is delicious. We end up watching High Fidelity which I’d never seen before. I love the movie even though John Cusack’s character was a bit annoying. I let the boy know this. He says, “I worry you’ll find me annoying if you think he is.”

And I realize it’s true.

He does annoy me a bit. Something is off. He’s trying too hard. He’s super eager. He calls me beautiful… too often. He pets my arm. My won’t let go of my hand. He tries to be funny, but isn’t. He seems insecure. He tells me he’s a keeper. He tells me I’m amazing. He tells me he is going to stick around to “find out more”. He’s already calling me babe.

He is moving too fast.

But also? He’s the kind of guy I’ve always wanted to be with. He’s smart, ambitious, has good friends, a good family, likes to travel, enjoys sports, likes to have fun but isn’t too crazy, and he really likes me.

So I’m stuck.

I like him. I think that this might go somewhere, maybe? It could have potential… but it’s too much too fast.

I’ve talked to friends and they some I should stop it now, that it’s only going to get worse with time. Other friends say I should slow things down. Don’t reply to all of his texts. Tell him I’m busy. Go out with friends. See how he reacts and go from there. I think maybe he’s just nervous and things will get better with time? Maybe?

What do you think?


33 responses to “So There’s This Guy…

  1. Totally sounds like something that would happen/has happened to me. It’s like exactly what you’re looking for except it’s not what you’re looking for… Maybe just try seeing him less? Sounds like the start of this was unique because you were on vacation and had free time to spend together. Plus I’m sure the added comfort level of knowing him years ago probably doesn’t help matters! Whatever you choose, be honest and keep us posted! Good luck πŸ™‚

  2. You know something similar happened to me… I started talking to this guy in August and by September he was telling me he loved me. I liked him…he was handsome, told me nice things, but it was too fast for me so I ended things and now sometimes I find myself missing him, but he won’t give me the time of day now. So I guess my advice to you would be if you really like him just wait it out. Be honest and let him know that things are moving too fast for you, and see where it goes from there.
    Hope it all works out for you… can a girl really be told she’s beautiful too much?

  3. When I met the man who is now the man I’m most definitely going to marry, I thought he was cute, fun, charming, all that good stuff. But he was also trying WAY too hard, moving way too fast, and doing all the same things your guy is doing. It put me off a little bit, but he was not shy about letting me know that he was totally interested. Which is what made the difference. I spent way too much time dating guys who played all the stupid games and I had NO idea what they were thinking. Now I’m madly in love with this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and make babies with him.

    Do I think you’ll marry this guy? I have no idea. But I think you should give him a chance πŸ™‚

  4. The only thing you can really do is be honest. With yourself and with him, all the time. If it’s too fast? Tell him. But if you really like him? Give him the chance to slow it down.

  5. I say slow it down. Just be honest with him about it. If you just start to sketch out sometimes, it’ll likely scare him off altogether, right?

    It could be great… give it a fair(but steady) shot or you’ll never know!

  6. I agree – but upfront with him and tell him you prefer something that simmers to something that boils. He sounds like a great guy – but perhaps new to dating?

    I’d give him a shot – it’s not often you find a genuine guy out there! ..and I think his eagerness is a sign of how much he likes you.

    Tell him to take it slow – otherwise you’re likely to run like a freaked out bunny. πŸ™‚ After that, it’s up to him to listen.

  7. I wouldn’t blow him off completely. Talk to him and let him know you can’t go out every other day … maybe change it to a couple or a few times a month for now. Too much, too fast can be overwhelming, and he’ll understand that if he wants to keep you around.

  8. Hmm. That’s a toughie. At least you have the distance going for you- it can’t go super fast if he’s 1.5 hours away. I say stick with it for a bit, because you never know…

  9. I think you should just slow it down. You never know where this could go!! Don’t end it now, you might regret it!

  10. hmm- maybe you slow it down a little but not totally write it off. It sounds a bit like how my relationship started. I slowed things down and just took it day by day all while dating other people. Eventually the ‘newness’ started to wear off so he wasn’t as eager but I realized that at that point that he was the one for me. I say give it some time to get to the chill point and then see how you feel.

  11. I say if you like him, then just do what comes naturally. Don’t overanalyze it. If you want to hang out, hang out. If you need some you time, just let him know. It’s too easy to get sucked in to the game playing at the beginning of a relationship. I say just enjoy it and do what comes naturally.

  12. I know there are all of these stupid rules to dating and games that guys and girls play. Let me suggest you try this; be honest. Tell him you think its just a little too much too soon and you really want to continue seeing him and talking to him but maybe at a slightly slower pace for a while. The thing is, you can never really feel too bad about what you are saying if it is honest and true to who you are.

  13. I’m all about honesty.

    I think it’s totally okay to tell him that you are interested but that you’d like things to go at a slower pace for the time being. Give him the chance like Nicole suggests. If he can do it, great! If he can’t, then you can make the call at that time.

    I am sure I have been overly eager before and I wish the guy would have said he was interested and to take a small step back rather than just giving up altogether.

  14. I say be upfront with him. Tell him that you like a lot about him, but you want to take things a little slower to really let it build.

    Buildings that go up too fast are more likely to crumble…they’re also easier to walk away from if you decide you don’t want to build it.

  15. I know what you mean about a guy being too forward/upfront/clingy. It’s just… ugh.

    BUT, I also think that it sounds like you do kind of like him and if you end it now you might regret it. Just slow it down. Tell him you want to slow it down and see how he acts and go from there. I think you’re right, he’s probably just nervous. And really, would you rather have a guy that DOESN’T call and is leaving you anxious on the edge of your seat??

    It’s so hard to find the best of both worlds with men, hey!

  16. I don’t totally know. Sometimes being repelled by behaviors is a sign that something deeper isn’t clicking, you know? But I also remember that when I first started seeing Torsten I had to be very clear that I wanted to go slowly, because he was ready to move faster, and when I talked to him about it things got a lot better. And look where we are now. So, you know. I say start by talking to him about it. Don’t frame it as “you do this and it annoys me” but rather just as “this is what I need.” See what he says and if he’s able to do what you need. If not, then maybe it won’t work out. But it’s worth giving it a shot.

  17. As others have said, just be honest and tell him where you’re at. We can only determine how to act with others based on information that they give us. Perhaps he thinks you WANT to spend that much time with him because you agree to spend date nights with him and you drove over an hour to see him when you easily had an out there if you wanted it. Maybe he’s trying to keep up with what he thinks YOU want?

    He sounds like a nice guy and I think it’s worth an honest try. Good luck!

  18. I think since you do like him just go with the flow and see what happens. If you don’t you may wonder later on what would have happened.

    My husband was my high school sweetheart & he was the one that would pet my arm & was way too clingy & romantic – I was a bit annoyed with that but I gave it a chance and look where we are now. πŸ™‚

    Not saying that you two are going to get married but haha you never know where it’ll take you to. I’ll say just be careful and take a step back and tell him you want to take things slower.

    Good luck!

  19. Definitely telling him you want to go slow is smart. Hard maybe, but honesty sometimes is. If he’s really worth a bag of beans, he’ll understand and give you space to figure out if he’s really someone you want to invest time in. πŸ™‚

  20. I say definitely let him know you need to slow down a bit, but be honest about it.

  21. maybe he was just really excited about the possibility of a new relationship and didn’t realize he was acting like that. i would suggest giving it a little more time to see what happens. maybe now that you are getting back into your regular schedule things might slow down. if not? then explain to him your feelings. either way, you know your situation best and i’m sure you’ll do what’s right for you!

  22. i think he sounds like a good guy but definitely think you should tell him you guys need to slow it down a bit and take it easy and get to know each other without rushing it.

  23. I agree with most of the comments in being honest with him…and not giving up on him altogether… Give him a chance! It could be something great!

    Also think of how it’s nice to be showed affection as opposed to always wondering if he’s even interested.

  24. I think it sounds like he’s being really great and open with you! And maybe that feels weird because it’s RARE – and rare isn’t necessarily “too much,” it’s just different. We spend forever trying to get guys to do something romantic or affectionate when we’re IN relationships, so roll with the fun here! Just have a good time with a guy who is not afraid to say he’s haing a good time with you πŸ™‚

  25. I’m late to this one, but it does really sound like you like this guy. I agree with the others above — be honest with him and tell him things are moving a bit fast for you. He sounds like a really nice guy and if you have butterflies there is definitely something there, right?

  26. I’m in the EXACT same situation right now. Guy from high school and all of that. I’ve been seeing him for a month now and, while things did progress rather quickly, I’ve just been letting the whirlwind happen. And I’m happy! No sense in pushing it away. See where it goes, I say.

  27. When I first started dating Mike, he was ready to be married.

    I was 19 and freaked out.

    It all worked out in the end.

    I sort of love that your boy isn’t aloof or trying to be cool and not act like he’s totally into you.

    But, it’s you and you know what you need.

    I agree with the communication advice- just be gentle in case he’s sensitive. πŸ™‚

  28. I’m with Nicole- I think that playing games with him, or pushing him off without telling him why will make him worse. If you like him & he’s just overly affectionate, tell him. Ask him to cool off a little & take some time.

    There is no such thing as a perfect guy who will know exactly how to be with you or who will intuit everything- my marriage isn’t even like that and we’re celebrating our five year anniversary this month! All you can go on is potential. Be honest, kind & firm, and just see where it goes =)

  29. It sounds so exciting! I don’t know..after being with someone who didn’t really show affection that often, I think I would enjoy someone trying hard. I feel like I’m always the one trying to hard.

    I think you should keep seeing him and see how it goes!

  30. walkingonsunshine18

    I think the best thing to do is tell him how you feel. Tell him you think he’s, fun and a great guy but you just want to slow it down a bit. If he’s a cool guy, he’ll understand that you just want to have fun with it and not turn it into a relationship after 3 dates.

    Good luck!

  31. It does sound like he’s moving too fast by calling you “babe” and what not already, but at least it’s fairly drama free and he’s paying lots of attention to you. Usually girls are left wondering how a guy feels and always worrying.

    My boyfriend now was like that and I told him early on that it bothered me and he fixed it. So from my experience, I’d say that since this guy seems to be great otherwise, still give it a chance and just let him know what’s bothering you. He won’t want to risk using you so he’ll most likely fix it as well =)

  32. Ashley,

    You don’t need to be asking the advice of friends (both online and in real life) what we think you should do about this guy because you already have an answer. It’s the quiet but steady voice inside whispering to you that “something is off.” I think it is a mistake to discount this little voice and try to rationalize away your intuitive feelings about him simply because he sounds good on paper.

  33. i didn’t read all the other comments so i could be just ditto-ing everyone else but…

    i think if you like him… if you think there could sorta maybe be some potential there, don’t call it off so soon. yes, it’s a lot so fast, but then i think you have nothing to lose to back off just a bit (but not all together), be honest with him, and see where it goes from there.

    from my experience, luke warm feelings can definitely turn into passion.

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