Of course, the same day I published my last post about “moving on”, the boy decides to email me. The same freaking day. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. That’s how life works, right?
His email was short and basically asked if I still hated him, if he could talk to me yet, and how I was doing. Thankfully I was still at work when I saw it pop up in my inbox and my co-workers were around to save me from a major freak out session. After five minutes of “OMG, what do I do? Do I write back? What do I say? Whyyy is he emailing me???!” I was fine.
I waited a day and wrote back. I wanted to let him know that I was still upset, but that I didn’t hate him. I wanted to be a little feisty and show that what he did was not so easily forgivable. But I also didn’t want to be too mean.
“Hey, I’m kinda surprised to hear from you. I understand what you were feeling (or not feeling) and why you ended things, but I think you handled it in a really crappy way. I’m still trying to decide if someone who could do that to me is someone I want in my life. I don’t hate you or anything, but I’m not ready to talk or start being friends. I hope Austin in treating you well; [my town] has been surprisingly entertaining lately.”
I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. I thought he would wait and give me time and space. But no. I got another email from him at 1am the next morning. A novel of an email.
He rambled. He tried to explain himself. He said “something was missing” between us, again. He repeated everything he said during the break-up conversation. It was like he was ending things all over again. He also complimented me and said he was being sincere when he said he wanted to be friends. Then he apologized for hurting me.
That was Thursday night.
I decided to take a few days to think about it. I talked to my friends. I talked to my mom. I talked to other guys. I asked their opinions. I focused on how I really felt and how I wanted this to turn out. Finally I decided the boy and I needed to talk. My stomach was in a knot and I knew it would only get worse if I let things stay how they were. So Monday afternoon I made my move and started a conversation on gchat.
We talked for almost twenty minutes and laid everything out for each other. I was honest and told him why I was so upset. I told him that I felt like he was acting like he really liked me for so long and that’s why it was such a shock when he ended it. I told him that if he was having second thoughts about us he shouldn’t have talked about the future or invited me to dinner with his parents. He apologized again. He explained his thought process more clearly which helped me to understand where he was coming from. I told him he acted like a jerk and he agreed. I told him I wanted to try to be friends with him eventually, but that I really liked him and I couldn’t just switch off those feelings. He said he understood and he would give me as much time and space as I needed. He told me to let him know when I wanted to talk again.
So overall I think it went really well. I feel like we cleared the air and that will make it easier for me to move on.
He also gave me permission to punch him if I ever see him again… which I just might have to do.