Category Archives: friends

So, hello again

I’m the type of person who likes to be genuine and fully committed.  I  prefer to be honest and real in all that I do. So when I didn’t feel like blogging for almost two months, I didn’t force myself. I knew it would be pressed and come across as fake and I never want that to happen. I’m sorry for leaving you all so abruptly; it wasn’t planned, I promise. Maybe I just needed a break. I’m not sure what came over me. I thought about blogging almost daily. I opened my reader every few days and browsed through blogs, curious as to what was happening in all your lives. I smiled hugely when I saw new comments asking if I was ever coming back. I missed you all, but I still wasn’t ready to jump back in. Then tonight, unexpectedly, I was filled with motivation and the desire to write. So, hello again.

I really cannot believe how much time has passed. There is so much I want to share with you.

Did you know that I got back together with The Boy after my last post? Did you know that we dated for almost  a month, he was perfect, and then he broke up with me again? Did you also know that I’m not nearly as heartbroken as the first time (perhaps because I guarded my heart more securely this time around) and honestly, I’m not  entirely surprised at how things have turned out?

Did you know that I’ve been working crazy long days, but loving almost every minute of my job? Seriously, I have the best co-workers and I am so thankful to work for such an amazing company. I love that I get to impact the lives of children and adolescents on a daily basis and see their relationships with their families improving. Amazing.

Did you know that I’ve had a conversation or two with C over the past few weeks? It was the first time I was able to talk openly with him about The Boy and he was honest enough to give me his opinion and point of view about the situation. He explained how he felt that I “quickly become emotionally attached” in relationships which “can be a good thing, or a terrible thing in the wrong hands”… and that “because of [my] past, those feelings mean more to [me] than most people”. Umm… exactly. That guy knows me so well. Before we hung up I was sure to thank him profusely for a free therapy session.

Did you know that I’ve made some major progress on my 101 in 1001? Well I have and you should go check it out.

So let’s review, shall we? Since I last blogged, I got back together with the boy, had a few weeks of bliss, was broken up with again, began moving on, spent many long hours at work, and re-focused my attention on myself.  I’ve spent my days doing what I need to be happy. I’ve begun reading a new book, I’ve explored new music, I’ve talked to friends, I’ve drank wine, and I’ve run a few extra minutes past my goal on the treadmill. I’ve been trying to empower myself. Things are good. So… what’s new with you?


The boy saga continues… or ends

Of course, the same day I published my last post about “moving on”, the boy decides to email me. The same freaking day. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. That’s how life works, right?

His email was short and basically asked if I still hated him, if he could talk to me yet, and how I was doing. Thankfully I was still at work when I saw it pop up in my inbox and my co-workers were around to save me from a major freak out session.  After five minutes of “OMG, what do I do? Do I write back? What do I say? Whyyy is he emailing me???!” I was fine.

I waited a day and wrote back. I wanted to let him know that I was still upset, but that I didn’t hate him. I wanted to be a little feisty and show that what he did was not so easily forgivable. But I also didn’t want to be too mean.

“Hey, I’m kinda surprised to hear from you. I understand what you were feeling (or not feeling) and why you ended things, but I think you handled it in a really crappy way. I’m still trying to decide if someone who could do that to me is someone I want in my life. I don’t hate you or anything, but I’m not ready to talk or start being friends. I hope Austin in treating you well; [my town] has been surprisingly entertaining lately.”

I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. I thought he would wait and give me time and space. But no. I got another email from him at 1am the next morning. A novel of an email.

He rambled. He tried to explain himself. He said “something was missing” between us, again. He repeated everything he said during the break-up conversation. It was like he was ending things all over again. He also complimented me and said he was being sincere when he said he wanted to be friends. Then he apologized for hurting me.

That was Thursday night.

I decided to take a few days to think about it. I talked to my friends. I talked to my mom. I talked to other guys. I asked their opinions. I focused on how I really felt and how I wanted this to turn out. Finally I decided the boy and I needed to talk. My stomach was in a knot and I knew it would only get worse if I let things stay how they were. So Monday afternoon I made my move and started a conversation on gchat.

We talked for almost twenty minutes and laid everything out for each other. I was honest and told him why I was so upset. I told him that I felt like he was acting like he really liked me for so long and that’s why it was such a shock when he ended it. I told him that if he was having second thoughts about us he shouldn’t have talked about the future or invited me to dinner with his parents. He apologized again. He explained his thought process more clearly which helped me to understand where he was coming from. I told him he acted like a jerk and he agreed. I told him I wanted to try to be friends with him eventually, but that I really liked him and I couldn’t just switch off those feelings. He said he understood and he would give me as much time and space as I needed. He told me to let him know when I wanted to talk again.

So overall I think it went really well. I feel like we cleared the air and that will make it easier for me to move on.

He also gave me permission to punch him if I ever see him again… which I just might have to do.

Moving On

Sometimes I feel a little silly when I think about the break-up with the boy. We had only been dating just over two months. It seems like it wouldn’t be possible to become so attached to someone in such a short time, but somehow it happened. He seemed so perfect; he seemed like everything I wanted. So I fell hard. I let him fill my thoughts. I let him fill my free time. I let him have a piece of my heart.

And then he walked away.

At first I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Then I became angry. How could he lead me on and let me down like this? I began questioning everything that had happened between us. The anger turned into sadness.  And then, slowly, the sadness began turning into acceptance. I’m still working on this… but it’s happening.

The past ten days have been a learning experience for me.
I learned that it’s okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, and even happy because all of those feelings come with a break-up. I learned that I don’t need to cry over a boy just because he doesn’t like me. I learned to call my mom when I’m sad and she will always make me feel better. I learned that even though I was used to talking to him for hours each day, I could easily modify that habit and spend more time with my co-workers. I learned that the mornings are usually the hardest for me, but if I can push through, the rest of the day will get better. I learned that I enjoy watching The Bachelor and American Idol by myself and sipping a glass of wine. I learned that I love running on the treadmill while listening to Black Eyed Peas and that it’s a great way to release pent up emotions. I learned that having your best friend come visit for the weekend will make you a million times happier. I learned that crushes on new boys are a fun distraction, especially when they take you to get ice cream when they find out you are sad. I learned that even though I still think about the boy and miss the fun times we had together, I will get through this.

2009 In Review

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to Vegas with some amazing girls, graduated with my Master’s degree, took a cruise with two of my best friends, moved back into my mother’s house, got a job, bought a car, and turned 25.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions last year, although I promised myself that I would get a job. And I accomplished that, so… yay! I’m no, I’m not making any specific resolutions this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin had a beautiful little girl, Londyn.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God, I had enough of that in 2008.

5. What countries did you visit?
Belize and Honduras

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money- to pay off loans and to travel.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 20th- I graduated, May 23rd- one year anniversary of my dad’s death, July 15th- I moved back to Texas, September 20th- my 25th birthday, September 28th- I was officially hired for my first real grown up job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating and getting a job

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm… I haven’t had too many failures this year I guess…. there are some things I probably shouldn’t have done, but I don’t consider them failures.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I woke up incredibly sick on New Year’s Day. That was not fun.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All the new friends I’ve met since I moved back to Texas.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The media and government.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Toward my student loans and rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finishing grad school! Getting a job! Buying a car! Meeting a really nice/hot/funny/respectful boy!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Don’t Step Believing”- the Glee version

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Definitely happier, probably thinner (or about the same), and a lot richer. I love paychecks.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise. Talk to friends. Read.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about finding a job.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Austin with my mom, sister, and grandfather. And the boy and I watched The Proposal together that night.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee. And then Grey’s, Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother, The Office and Modern Family.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

24. What was the best book you read?
Sadly, because I didn’t read much, Twilight.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
John Mayer. Although I liked him before, I’m sort of in love with his new album, Battle Studies.

26. What did you want and get?
A job.

27. What did you want and not get?
A better paying job.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
(500) Days of Summer.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got a pedicure with a friend, had lunch with friends and my sister, saw a movie (maybe? I don’t remember…) and then had dinner at The Melting Pot with friends and my mom. I turned 25.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to talk to my dad.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
More professional, mixed with a feminine casual cuteness.

32. What kept you sane?

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Robert Pattinson.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage.

35. Who did you miss?
My dad. C. My roommate from NYC.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
The boy. Even though I technically knew him before, it doesn’t count.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Everything will work out. Stop worrying. Everything happens for a reason. Seriously, stop worrying.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“If fear hasn’t killed me yet then nothing will
All the suffering and all the pain
Never left a name
I’m in the war of my life, at the door of my life
Out of  time and there’s nowhere to run
I’m in the war of my life, at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight til it’s done”
-War of My Life, by John Mayer

Chips and Queso and Christmas

Is this really only my third time to blog in December? I’ve been such a slacker. Or maybe life just happened. I think that’s it. I guess when I’m happy I decide I don’t need to blog as much?

So, I’ve been busy doing things like driving over 1,000 miles, helping my mom as she recovered from gallbladder surgery, visiting my cousin and her new baby, getting drinks with friends, exercising three times a week, going to dinner and watching movies with the boy, and somehow squeezing some work hours in there too.

See? Busy-ness.

In other news I talked to C on Saturday night… for the first time in almost two months. He called as the boy and I were standing at my front door saying goodnight which made the situation completely awkward.

Me looking at my phone: Oh no, I’m not answering that.
The boy: Why not?
Me: Because…
The boy: Oh, it’s an ex-boyfriend?
Me: Yeah…

I called C back when I got inside. He said he called because he was hanging out with an old mutual friend of ours and just wanted to say hi. He asked how I was doing and apologized for not returning my phone calls. Apparently he’s “not allowed” to talk to me anymore (crazy new girlfriend!), but I told him it was fine. I really do understand. We talked about our mutual friend, my job, life in general, and how weird it was that we hadn’t spoken in forever. Then his phone started to die. He said he’d get his charger and call me back… but never did. It’s probably better than I not talk to him anyway…

Things are going really well with the boy. We talk just about every day. Actually, I think we’ve talked every day except one. He’s entertaining when I’m driving for hours on end. He’s funny on gchat. My friends like him. My mom hasn’t met him yet, but she likes what she’s heard. He bought me a Christmas present “because he saw something that he knew I would love”. He’s creative and thoughtful when planning our dates. He plans our dates because he knows how much I love plans. It’s really cute.

So the plan for tomorrow night? We’re going to dinner at Chuy’s, my most favorite restaurant ever. Then we’re going to see this huuuuuge Christmas tree made of lights in Austin, and then we’re going to look at Christmas lights. I’m so giddy I can barely contain myself. This boy obviously knows the way to my heart. Chips and queso and Christmas. Love it.

New Moon Goodness

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Don’t Edward and I look great together? HA. Yes, I really did just go there.

But seriously, let’s talk New Moon. Thursday evening when I got off work I drove back to my hometown to meet up with one of my BFFs for a late dinner, the midnight showing of New Moon, and a sleepover. After scarfing down some delicious chips and salsa, a huuuuge burrito, and several diet cokes we headed for the theater. By the time we got to our seats, at 11:05pm, the theater was full. We overheard that some people had been camping out for seats since 7pm. Umm no thanks, I have more of a life than that and I can enjoy Edward and Jacob just as well from my super close fourth row seats.

Of course the teenage girls were screaming and squealing as soon as the lights dimmed. And there was more screaming when Edward and Jacob appeared on the screen. I do agree those boys are super hot, but all the screaming kind of ruined it for me.

Anyway, my thoughts on New Moon:

Sooo much better than Twilight. I was disappointed when I saw Twilight and was especially annoyed by the blue tint throughout the movie. Thank goodness,  New Moon was tint-free! I also thought New Moon was less cheesy (still a good amount of cheese though, don’t worry!) and followed the book a lot closer than Twilight.

Kristen Stewart is still just as awkward, but somehow tolerable. Her hair looked awesome too.

Edward was hot, but it seemed like he was only in the movie for like 10 minutes. And his shirtless scene? Kinda creepy, if I’m being honest. I know he’s a vampire and supposed to be pale, but it was kind of too much. Not attractive, sorry Rob. Jacob on the other hand…

Oh, Jacob. I’m pretty sure he has the sexiest body ever. Some of his lines were pretty corny and I sort of felt like I was watching a bad soap opera, but his adorableness and rock hard abs totally made up for it. And he and Bella have some serious chemistry on screen. Because of all his hotness? I’m sort of torn… am I Team Edward or Team Jacob? I DON’T KNOW!!!

Did anyone else crack up laughing during Alice’s vision of Edward and Bella in the future? Seriously, the slow motion running and flowing white dress? Hilarious.

And the break up scene? I almost cried. Not sure if it was because I was already exhausted from a long day, or if the acting was really that good… or maybe I just empathize with Edward and Bella too much?

The werewolves were great, but the special effects were a little over the top. At one point I felt like I was watching a cartoon which was not what I wanted.

Also, I laughed way more during New Moon. The whole first half of the movie was filled with great one-liners that I will be quoting for the next six months. You have been warned.

And the ending? I gasped. At least we only have to wait until June because OMG!

Overall, I loved it. And I will be seeing again. Many, many times.

Have you seen New Moon yet? What did you think?

I Failed NaBloPoMo

Since it’s been several days since I last posted, I guess it’s kind of obvious that I failed at NaBloPoMo this year. Oops.

I don’t have a really good excuse, except that Friday night around 8pm I realized that I was out with friends and was probably not going to be home before midnight to write a post. (We were at a place called Hog Creek IceHouse drinking beer and two-stepping, can you blame me?) So I did what any normal blogger would do. I told twitter.

And then on Saturday when I could have redeemed myself with a really awesome apology post I decided I didn’t really care. I skipped Saturday. And Sunday. And Monday. But I’m back now. I probably won’t keep posting everyday, but I will try harder. Promise.

Also, there have been some other exciting things going on, but I don’t want to go into details right now because I’m being all superstitious and I’m afraid I’ll jinx it. And I’m sorry for being that blogger who is all “I HAVE SUCH GREAT NEWS BUT I CAN’T TELL YOU HAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!”, but today I am. Really so so sorry.