Category Archives: happy

So, hello again

I’m the type of person who likes to be genuine and fully committed.  I  prefer to be honest and real in all that I do. So when I didn’t feel like blogging for almost two months, I didn’t force myself. I knew it would be pressed and come across as fake and I never want that to happen. I’m sorry for leaving you all so abruptly; it wasn’t planned, I promise. Maybe I just needed a break. I’m not sure what came over me. I thought about blogging almost daily. I opened my reader every few days and browsed through blogs, curious as to what was happening in all your lives. I smiled hugely when I saw new comments asking if I was ever coming back. I missed you all, but I still wasn’t ready to jump back in. Then tonight, unexpectedly, I was filled with motivation and the desire to write. So, hello again.

I really cannot believe how much time has passed. There is so much I want to share with you.

Did you know that I got back together with The Boy after my last post? Did you know that we dated for almost  a month, he was perfect, and then he broke up with me again? Did you also know that I’m not nearly as heartbroken as the first time (perhaps because I guarded my heart more securely this time around) and honestly, I’m not  entirely surprised at how things have turned out?

Did you know that I’ve been working crazy long days, but loving almost every minute of my job? Seriously, I have the best co-workers and I am so thankful to work for such an amazing company. I love that I get to impact the lives of children and adolescents on a daily basis and see their relationships with their families improving. Amazing.

Did you know that I’ve had a conversation or two with C over the past few weeks? It was the first time I was able to talk openly with him about The Boy and he was honest enough to give me his opinion and point of view about the situation. He explained how he felt that I “quickly become emotionally attached” in relationships which “can be a good thing, or a terrible thing in the wrong hands”… and that “because of [my] past, those feelings mean more to [me] than most people”. Umm… exactly. That guy knows me so well. Before we hung up I was sure to thank him profusely for a free therapy session.

Did you know that I’ve made some major progress on my 101 in 1001? Well I have and you should go check it out.

So let’s review, shall we? Since I last blogged, I got back together with the boy, had a few weeks of bliss, was broken up with again, began moving on, spent many long hours at work, and re-focused my attention on myself.  I’ve spent my days doing what I need to be happy. I’ve begun reading a new book, I’ve explored new music, I’ve talked to friends, I’ve drank wine, and I’ve run a few extra minutes past my goal on the treadmill. I’ve been trying to empower myself. Things are good. So… what’s new with you?

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Moving On

Sometimes I feel a little silly when I think about the break-up with the boy. We had only been dating just over two months. It seems like it wouldn’t be possible to become so attached to someone in such a short time, but somehow it happened. He seemed so perfect; he seemed like everything I wanted. So I fell hard. I let him fill my thoughts. I let him fill my free time. I let him have a piece of my heart.

And then he walked away.

At first I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Then I became angry. How could he lead me on and let me down like this? I began questioning everything that had happened between us. The anger turned into sadness.  And then, slowly, the sadness began turning into acceptance. I’m still working on this… but it’s happening.

The past ten days have been a learning experience for me.
I learned that it’s okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, and even happy because all of those feelings come with a break-up. I learned that I don’t need to cry over a boy just because he doesn’t like me. I learned to call my mom when I’m sad and she will always make me feel better. I learned that even though I was used to talking to him for hours each day, I could easily modify that habit and spend more time with my co-workers. I learned that the mornings are usually the hardest for me, but if I can push through, the rest of the day will get better. I learned that I enjoy watching The Bachelor and American Idol by myself and sipping a glass of wine. I learned that I love running on the treadmill while listening to Black Eyed Peas and that it’s a great way to release pent up emotions. I learned that having your best friend come visit for the weekend will make you a million times happier. I learned that crushes on new boys are a fun distraction, especially when they take you to get ice cream when they find out you are sad. I learned that even though I still think about the boy and miss the fun times we had together, I will get through this.

Sparks

He drove them back to his apartment after an evening of playing Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture with a group of friends.

They stood in his dark living room, only the streetlights shining in the through the window.

Her arms wrapped around his waist as he looked down at her. She smiled. He lowered his head and kissed her. She felt a rush.

Sparks.

Suddenly, he began tickling her. She screamed; he laughed.

They hugged.

She looked into his blue eyes. She loved how he combined the playful and romantic in a way that made her heart flutter.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the ground. She found herself laying on the floor next to him, his fingers still intertwined with his.

He raised his free hand and pointed to the ceiling. “Those are stars,” he said. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

She giggled. “Really?” she asked.

“Yes, that’s the Big Dipper in the corner, and over there, next to the kitchen, is Cassiopeia.”

“You only know that one from watching Serendipity!”

He laughed because she was right. “Okay… but if you look hard enough you can find Mars. Do you see it?”

“You mean that red dot?” she pointed to the smoke detector.

“Yep!” he exclaimed as he rolled over and kissed her.

She laid her head on his shoulder. He squeezed her hand. ‘This is how it’s supposed to be. This is how I’m supposed to feel,’ she thought to herself.

Another Swoon-y Post

Somewhere along the winding road of dinner dates, movie marathons, phone calls, and text messages I managed to fall for this boy.

He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s thoughtful. He’s sincere. He’s interested in what I have to say. He’s considerate. He’s a gentleman. He’s funny. He’s friendly to strangers. He’s easy going. He tells me (directly) that he likes me. He’s goofy. He’s polite. When it comes down to it, he’s awesome.

Of course, my history of “not so awesome” guys has led me to question things.

“Most guys just put on this show of being nice at the beginning, but it eventually fades… Will happen to you?” I wonder aloud. He assures me that he’s just being who he is. I tell him that’s good, because I like what I’ve seen so far.

My friends think I’m crazy for being so straightforward with him, but that’s how I like things to be in a relationship. If you can’t be honest, then what’s the point? Anyway, it didn’t seem to freak the boy out, so it was fine.

A few weeks ago I casually mentioned that I hate Valentine’s Day. He just smiled and said nothing is response. Today he said he got his schedule for announcing college softball this season and then said that he’s working every game Valentine’s Day weekend. Ten games to be exact. I told him that was fine and I could make other plans. (And really, we haven’t even had the “exclusive” talk yet, so…..). But then he said he would be finished around 3pm on the 14th and he would like to see me that evening.

He’s thinking about Valentine’s Day. And he’s thinking about spending it with me.

I told him would be coming to town this weekend and I would like to see him. “I’m free for lunch, are you?”, “No, I already have plans, and you’re busy Friday night, right?”, “Yep…”, “What about Saturday?”, “I’m working most of the afternoon.” It went back and forth. “How about I take you to dinner and movie Saturday night?”, he asked. “Um, okay!” “It’s a date then.”

So dinner and a movie.

“I want to fit you in to all the free time I have”, was all it took to make me heart swoon.

This boy.

*sigh*

He’s doing something to me…

The Things He Does

He calls when he says he will.

He talks to me on gchat when I’m bored at work.

He opens the car door for me.

He pays for our dates, unless I offer to pay first.

He kisses my forehead.

He doesn’t flinch when I ask him to go see The Young Victoria.

He patiently explains the answers when I ask him questions about football during the game.

He tells me I’m beautiful.

He laughs at my stupid jokes.

He holds my hand while he’s driving.

He tells me I look crazy and then kisses me again.

He offers me the last piece of pizza.

He wraps his arms around me as I fall asleep on the couch.

He laughs and says “okay” when I suggest we watch Twilight.

He stays longer when I ask him not to leave.

And when I ask him why, he simply says he wants me to be happy.

2009 In Review

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to Vegas with some amazing girls, graduated with my Master’s degree, took a cruise with two of my best friends, moved back into my mother’s house, got a job, bought a car, and turned 25.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions last year, although I promised myself that I would get a job. And I accomplished that, so… yay! I’m no, I’m not making any specific resolutions this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin had a beautiful little girl, Londyn.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God, I had enough of that in 2008.

5. What countries did you visit?
Belize and Honduras

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money- to pay off loans and to travel.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 20th- I graduated, May 23rd- one year anniversary of my dad’s death, July 15th- I moved back to Texas, September 20th- my 25th birthday, September 28th- I was officially hired for my first real grown up job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating and getting a job

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm… I haven’t had too many failures this year I guess…. there are some things I probably shouldn’t have done, but I don’t consider them failures.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I woke up incredibly sick on New Year’s Day. That was not fun.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All the new friends I’ve met since I moved back to Texas.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The media and government.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Toward my student loans and rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finishing grad school! Getting a job! Buying a car! Meeting a really nice/hot/funny/respectful boy!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Don’t Step Believing”- the Glee version

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Definitely happier, probably thinner (or about the same), and a lot richer. I love paychecks.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise. Talk to friends. Read.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about finding a job.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Austin with my mom, sister, and grandfather. And the boy and I watched The Proposal together that night.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee. And then Grey’s, Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother, The Office and Modern Family.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
Sadly, because I didn’t read much, Twilight.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
John Mayer. Although I liked him before, I’m sort of in love with his new album, Battle Studies.

26. What did you want and get?
A job.

27. What did you want and not get?
A better paying job.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
(500) Days of Summer.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got a pedicure with a friend, had lunch with friends and my sister, saw a movie (maybe? I don’t remember…) and then had dinner at The Melting Pot with friends and my mom. I turned 25.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to talk to my dad.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
More professional, mixed with a feminine casual cuteness.

32. What kept you sane?
Coffee.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Robert Pattinson.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage.

35. Who did you miss?
My dad. C. My roommate from NYC.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
The boy. Even though I technically knew him before, it doesn’t count.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Everything will work out. Stop worrying. Everything happens for a reason. Seriously, stop worrying.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“If fear hasn’t killed me yet then nothing will
All the suffering and all the pain
Never left a name
I’m in the war of my life, at the door of my life
Out of  time and there’s nowhere to run
I’m in the war of my life, at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight til it’s done”
-War of My Life, by John Mayer

Chips and Queso and Christmas

Is this really only my third time to blog in December? I’ve been such a slacker. Or maybe life just happened. I think that’s it. I guess when I’m happy I decide I don’t need to blog as much?

So, I’ve been busy doing things like driving over 1,000 miles, helping my mom as she recovered from gallbladder surgery, visiting my cousin and her new baby, getting drinks with friends, exercising three times a week, going to dinner and watching movies with the boy, and somehow squeezing some work hours in there too.

See? Busy-ness.

In other news I talked to C on Saturday night… for the first time in almost two months. He called as the boy and I were standing at my front door saying goodnight which made the situation completely awkward.

Me looking at my phone: Oh no, I’m not answering that.
The boy: Why not?
Me: Because…
The boy: Oh, it’s an ex-boyfriend?
Me: Yeah…

I called C back when I got inside. He said he called because he was hanging out with an old mutual friend of ours and just wanted to say hi. He asked how I was doing and apologized for not returning my phone calls. Apparently he’s “not allowed” to talk to me anymore (crazy new girlfriend!), but I told him it was fine. I really do understand. We talked about our mutual friend, my job, life in general, and how weird it was that we hadn’t spoken in forever. Then his phone started to die. He said he’d get his charger and call me back… but never did. It’s probably better than I not talk to him anyway…

Things are going really well with the boy. We talk just about every day. Actually, I think we’ve talked every day except one. He’s entertaining when I’m driving for hours on end. He’s funny on gchat. My friends like him. My mom hasn’t met him yet, but she likes what she’s heard. He bought me a Christmas present “because he saw something that he knew I would love”. He’s creative and thoughtful when planning our dates. He plans our dates because he knows how much I love plans. It’s really cute.

So the plan for tomorrow night? We’re going to dinner at Chuy’s, my most favorite restaurant ever. Then we’re going to see this huuuuuge Christmas tree made of lights in Austin, and then we’re going to look at Christmas lights. I’m so giddy I can barely contain myself. This boy obviously knows the way to my heart. Chips and queso and Christmas. Love it.