Even the Nice Ones Will Break Your Heart

To say that it came as a surprise would be a huge understatement.

There were no warning signs, no tips to let me know he was thinking of ending it. Thursday night we talked on the phone for an hour and he invited me to a wedding in March. He called me Friday after he got off work and asked me to come over. As I was driving over to his apartment we were talking on the phone and he invited me to have dinner with his family on Saturday. I told him I would love to go. When I got to his apartment we went out to dinner and then watched a movie. We laughed and talked for hours. He asked me to stay the night, but I told him I needed to go home since I was staying with my mom. He walked me to my car and told me he would call me in the morning.
Saturday afternoon I met him at work before we went to the University of Texas basketball game. “I found a movie that we need to go see. Come watch this trailer”, he said. He wrapped his arms around my waist and spun me around to kiss him. During the basketball game he held my hand. Later we went back to his apartment to change clothes before meeting his parents and grandmother for dinner. We ate shrimp cocktail, salads, filet mignon, and cheesecake. I shared a bottle of wine with his mother. His dad asked about my job and where I went to school. We talked about New York. The boy rubbed my leg under the table and smiled. His parents joked about how the boy is obsessed with sports. His mother mentioned that we should all go to church in the morning and then go out for breakfast. After dinner we went back to his parents house where his mother gave me a tour and showed me pictures from the boy’s childhood. When we left their house, the boy and I stopped by my sister’s apartment so that I could introduce them. We watched the first half of Happy Gilmore before we drove back to his apartment.
All evening he had been a bit quieter than normal, but I figured he was just tired since he was up late the night before and had worked all morning. It was barely 11:00pm when we got back to his apartment so I assumed we would hang out for while and I would go back to my mom’s house around 1:00am, like I had every other Saturday night. The boy and I were laying on the couch watching TV when he said, “I’m really tired, I think I’m going to go to sleep.” “Aww, I guess I’ll go home then,” I said sadly, but trying to be understanding. I was surprised because the boy had never acted like this before, but I didn’t argue. He walked me to my car. “Drive safely tomorrow,” he said. This threw me off completely. I never told him I was driving the 75 minutes back to my apartment the next day. I had actually planned to stay all day Sunday to see him again. I looked at him. “Okay…” I said with a hint of surprise and anger. He gave me a hug and kiss goodnight. “Bye then.” I got in my car and drove back to my mom’s house trying to figure out what just happened. The boy had never been a jerk before… why did he just do that? I decided I wouldn’t be angry, but just text him the truth. “I want to stay and see you tomorrow,” I wrote.  We text back and forth for half an hour, me saying I want to see him, him saying I should go back to my apartment so I can see my friends. Finally he asked if I want to stay and go to church with him. “Yes, but I feel awkward now, like you doesn’t want me to come.” “Don’t be like that,” he said. “I’ll pick you up around 9:15.”
In the morning he called to say he was on his over. He pulled in the driveway, came to the front door and walked me back to the car. As soon as he closed his door he looked at me. “We needed to have a talk.” My heart stopped. I knew something was wrong the night before, but I had no idea it would lead to this. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” he said. I calmly asked why. He explained that he always had a lot of fun with me and that he thought I was really nice and cute, but something was missing. He said he had been waiting to feel something more, but it wasn’t there. He said he wanted to be excited to see me when I come to town, but he wasn’t. I tried to ignore the crushing pain in my stomach and nodded my head. He said he could tell I really liked him a lot this weekend and that he thought it would be wrong to keep seeing me knowing that he didn’t feel the same way. “I was a dick last night and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. I could tell you were upset.” “Yeah, you were a dick,” I agreed. He said he talked to his friends about this a couple weeks ago, and he was waiting to see if something would happen and he would feel differently, but it hadn’t. I asked why he introduced me to his parents if he wasn’t sure if he really liked me. He said he didn’t think it was that big of a deal, that he introduces all his friends to his family. I pointed out that he wasn’t dating all his other friends and that this was different. He said I was right and he hoped we could still talk, if I wasn’t too mad at him. I didn’t say anything, knowing I would be lying. “I guess you have to go to church now,” I finally broke the silence. “I can talk a little bit longer,” he replied. “No,” I said, “I don’t really have anything to say.” He told me he was sorry. “Yeah, this sucks.” We both got out of the car and he gave me a hug. “Thanks for being honest, I guess…” I said and I walked back inside the house. Shocked.
Almost 30 hours later and I still don’t believe it. Did that really just happen?
Was he faking it the entire time and leading me on? He really didn’t like me? All those nice gestures, asking me to spend the night, planning for Valentine’s day and a wedding in March, taking me to dinner, and telling me you want to spend all your free time with me? That’s what you do for someone you don’t really like? I’m not sure I believe that.
But then if he wasn’t telling the truth, there are only a few other explanations, none of which make me feel any better.
Possibly his parents said something to him? Even though we seemed to get along great and I met him mom last weekend, it’s weird that he ended things the day after I had dinner with them. Right?
Or maybe he was all in it for the chase? And now that he realized I like him, he’s not interested anymore? I really hope that isn’t the case because he was so nice for the two months we were dating and that makes him even more of a jerk if it was just a game to him.
And the last option, which my girl friends were kind enough to provide, is that he’s scared. He likes me too much and doesn’t want this to get serious. But if that’s true, he’s still a jerk for making me feel like this.
So maybe he just never liked me… and now my faith in nice guys has officially been destroyed.

58 responses to “Even the Nice Ones Will Break Your Heart

  1. UGH! I’m seriously so surprised by this. It’s so shocking and out of nowhere. He sounds like he’s really confused and has no idea what he wants so maybe it’s for the best, since you clearly know what you want. Stay strong…I know how bad it is right now 😦 E-mail me if you want ❤

  2. I am emailing you.

  3. My first guess is that he was scared, but I still think he could have handled that situation better than he did. I think he should have talked to you about it more than his friends. I don’t know. I’m sorry this happened. I’m sending you good vibes ❤

  4. I’m so sorry- that just makes no sense. Like… even if you go with what he said, you guys have been dating for two months! What does waiting for feel more even mean- what are you supposed to be feeling at this point, beyond having fun and enjoying someone? I’m so sorry, what a strange situation ❤

  5. At first you were worried that he was too clingy, and now he isn’t excited to see you? It sounds like he wants the “upper hand” in the relationship, and he wants to turn it around on you to make you look clingy.

    You don’t need all those games & bullshit. I want to punch this guy in the nose.

  6. Lauren From Texas

    Aww. I’m so sorry. Just sent you an email.

  7. I just had this happen to me in December. Out of nowhere, things had been great, he had been the one moving the relationship forward, bringing flowers, calling, saying he liked me. Then he just ended it and in the end he said he was missing the feeling that he knows he will have with “the one”. My friends tried to tell me to give it time, maybe he is scared, etc. And I do still talk to him and see him and have hope things will change. Truthfully though, if you are ‘the one’ he won’t be scared, he won’t run away and he won’t break your heart. At least that’s what I’m told. I’ve gone through some major anger with it, I’ve told myself he had to be one really manipulative guy to make me fall for him with no intention of sticking around, but probably it just is what it is, he didn’t feel ‘it’ and I can’t fix that. I wish I had something more positive and encouraging to say, but all I can really say is I know how it feels and I am so sorry it happened to you.

  8. Lauren From Texas

    Also, longredcape makes a great point. Why was he so clingy at the beginning if he was “waiting to see if something would happen and he would feel differently”?? Either this guy is seriously confused, or good at pretending (not sure which is worse!). You’re better off without him. I will second the punch in the nose.

  9. As I read this I was thinking that maybe he panicked, seeing you with his family and feeling like it was too serious, he couldn’t handle it? But also I am inclined to take people at face value. Also, unless he’s seriously a complete asshole, why would he say such hurtful things to you if he didn’t mean them and was just too confused and inarticulate to find a better way of phrasing them?

    Regardless, this sucks. And it makes no sense. And I’m really sorry. And I hope the next guy you meet knows better than to let you go. What a dumbass.

  10. I know it doesn’t help… but i’m willing to bet that your girlfriends are right. Matt dumped me once for no good reason, and after a long while we talked about it and he told me that his only reason was that he was scared. He saw his whole life in front of him, all laid out and he was so young and it was just too much.

    maybe that’s whats happening, maybe he’s just a jerk. but hang in there. you’re amazing and you deserve someone equally as amazing. ❤

  11. that freaking sucks. I’m sorry hun. And I’m going with what your friends think, he was/is scared that he likes you so much. Why are boys so afraid?????? And being a jerk like that? Not ok. I hope he gets crabs. Or something equally as horrific. 🙂


  12. The thing about break-ups is that you can’t every explain what the other person was thinking. The best thing to do is move on. I know that sounds like annoying advice, but I’ve been broken up with many a time before and I always try to figure out WHY and it ends up consuming my thoughts.

    You are great. Don’t worry about him or why he ended it. Wallow for a few days and then move forward!

  13. Wow…and they say girls are complicated! I think I’m almost inclined to go with the “he got scared” theory. From what you said you hit it off with his parents. Maybe it was all too much for him (I know that sounds like a horrendous cop-out and if it is the reason it’s completely unjust and unfair on you…but some people are just like that!).

    I’m ‘thirding’ (is that a word?) the punch on the nose!!

  14. Oh Ash, I’m so sorry. Just reading this post makes me want to cry, I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling. I hope you don’t lose faith in all nice guys, you can say that for right now, but there will be a point when an actual nice guy will come along.

    I am just so so sorry.

  15. First of all, I’m so very sorry you are going through this. I’d like to punch him in the face for doing this to you. (Sorry, I can be a tad protective) Okay, here’s my take:

    1. If his parents DID say something a) it’s not their place to say anything to him and b) wow, if he listens to everything his parents say about his love life that is just a little… immature.

    2. My first reaction (Based upon the tweets and how he persued you) is that he’s scared. He may have had a moment where he realized on Saturday night how freakin’ fantastic you really are, how great it is to have you with his family and so much more but just freaked out. I honestly think that’s the more likely case.

    3. I’m sure he liked you. More than sure. I honestly think he does feel something but is just being a stupid boy and bailing before it gets tough.

    I know it’s tough and even three months after my break up I still wonder how the hell it happened, where it all went wrong and my faith in men is still quite shaken.

    Rest assured in knowing you did nothing wrong, he’s a bit of a dolt for giving you up and of course I’m always here (you know how to reach me!) if you need anything. Perhaps I should once and for all plan a trip to visit you!? Girls weekend with cupcakes, wine, Twilight and Sex & the City?

  16. i don’t really buy into the “scared” thing. my dad said a man will always tell you the truth about how he feels about you…it’s just up to you to believe it. while it sucks, yes, he did you a big favor by being honest with you even if it didn’t seem like the right time. either way…try & keep your head up…if you’re looking down you may miss a man whose words match up with their actions.

  17. Oh Ashley. I’m so, so sorry. You’re incredible. I hate that this happened to someone as sweet as you, especially with the major lack of any warning signs. Eat the ice cream, and surround yourself with friends. ❤ Always here if you need anything.

  18. that totally sucks! things seemed to be going so well with you two. the worst part, besides the relationship being over, is that he introduced you to his family. who does that if they’re not into someone? i didn’t meet my boyfriend’s parents until we were serious because he’d never brought a girl over and didn’t want to unless he knew i’d be around a while.

    i hope you’re doing alright and have great friends to cheer you up.

  19. I’m so sorry, Ashley. I had something similar happen to me with a guy I was dating in high school. Just ended it out of nowhere. It was kind of heartbreaking at the time – mostly because it was SO unexpected.

    I agree that he may just be freaking out and getting scared that things are going too fast or that he’s too young to get serious. I hope you figure things out. You deserve better! *Hugs* XO

  20. Oh no–I’m so sorry. Even if it is just a case of being skittish, he has no business taking that out on you. This sucks.

  21. Wow. I’m so sorry. I don’t understand how anyone can fake signals for two months. That’s insane. I know it hurts, but it’ll all work out in the end. I’m glad he told you sooner, rather than later. My friend had the same thing happen to her, only they had been together for almost four years.

    Ugh. Men. How do we trust them?

  22. I’m fourthing the nose-punch. I’m so sorry this happened! Give yourself the time you need to just feel what you’re feeling… it totally sucks, but I know you will heal and you’ll meet a guy who doesn’t have a bunch of weird commitment issues. Hang in there! SATC, ice cream, and croutons are always big comforts to me. Oh and US Weekly. Copious amounts of zero calorie US Weekly.

  23. I am so sorry! I am completely shocked as well. He sounded so good and promising for you. I thought he could be the one for you. I hope you feel better soon, again I am soo sorry!

  24. Don’t give up searching. : )

    Sorry to hear about your loss of what seemed to be a wonderful and caring man.

    Boys are stupid sometimes.

  25. I am so sorry Ashley. You dont deserve to be treated like that. I would find the situation as confusing as hell too. But judging from what you’ve told us before about the relationship, it makes sense that he is scared. But being scared isnt an excuse for just telling you out of no where. My heart hurts for you. Sending hugs.

  26. so sorry to hear this, Ashley. It’s clearly his loss, though. It always hurts, especially when you ask yourself how your perception of the relationship could be so different from his.

  27. Just started following you on Twitter.

    As someone also going through a (in my case, semi)surprise breakup, I’m sorry. Being scared is the worse excuse ever. Yes, even more so than “it’s not you, it’s me”.

    Hope you are holding up OK.

  28. Awww, Ashley I’m so sorry. This really sucks. I hate it when it comes out of nowhere.
    I agree with some of the above commenters. I don’t buy the “scared” thing and if he is scared and comes crawling back. Do not give in. You deserve someone that isn’t scared. That embraces love with open arms.
    Hang in there. You are a strong, confident and beautiful woman that can have any man that she wants. Keep telling yourself that and you WILL get through it. In the meantime, we are all here for you.

  29. like I told you earlier, you are so much better than this and it’s clearly his loss.

    and it does sound like he’s scared but that also means he’s probably more immature than you realized. consider yourself saved from even more heartache he could’ve caused.

    but I am truly sorry that you were treated like this.

  30. BOO!!! That’s what I say to him. I don’t really have anything else to add. I don’t know what he’s expecting after 2 months, but I do know that at a certain age, I feel like everyone romanticizes romance and that if you aren’t just DYING to see each other than to hell with the other person. It’s crazy. But I think that happens to everyone and it sounds like that’s what happened to him. He had unrealistic expectations and for whatever reason wasn’t satisfied with the AWESOMENESS THAT IS ASHLEY.

    So clearly, he’s crazy. ::bighug::

  31. I’m sorry. This just sucks.

  32. I just don’t understand people’s logic sometimes. This would be one of those times. I’m sorry that it had to affect you, and I know that your strength, love, and respect of yourself will no doubt get you through this easy peasy. His loss!!!

  33. I’m sorry, Ashley. We know how awesome you are and I hope you do too.

  34. Sorry about the boy. I agree, he probably was scared of your awesome ways. It’s too bad that he acted as he did.

    I know it’s hard to have faith that there are guys out there that are logical and open with their feelings, but there have to be.

  35. I am sorry Ashley. Looking at the big picture, you do deserve to be spend your life with a jerk like that. Take care and hang in there.

  36. I am sorry, I had a typo in the previous comment. It ought to read:

    I am sorry Ashley. Looking at the big picture, you do not deserve to be spend your life with a jerk like that. Take care and hang in there.

  37. I’m so sorry girl. Honestly, I think you could probably do better. He definitely led you on and you don’t deserve that.

  38. How weird?!? His actions didn’t match his words – seemingly! And he kept waiting to *feel* something? I thought he was pressuring you to move more quickly in the beginning? So strange…

    Well wishy washy people are lame. Don’t let this guy leave you jaded, he’s not worth it!

  39. Wow… I’ve been reading your posts about the newfound love and they have all made me smile. I stumbled over here tonight for another dose of smile, and got the complete opposite. I’m so sorry to see this happen. I agree with everyone else.. don’t let this guy mar your future with others.

    And people say girls have issues… clearly it’s because guys have them.

  40. Um, wow. When I saw your tweet saying he broke up with you I was all huh, what? Especially after reading your post about the smoke detector and laying on the floor. So. Cute.

    Anyway, screw the punch in the nose. I’m thinking a punch in the baby maker will make more of an impact. But that’s just my two cents. 😉

  41. Wow. Crappy. Boys just suck sometimes!

  42. I’ve been through this and it’s weird and there’s really nothing else to it.

    The truth is, and I’m sure you’re not gonna want to hear it but I’m gonna say it because I care, is that chances are you’ll never know what the reason was for him doing what he did. But you need to do your best to chalk it up to a) experience and b) knowing that he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who won’t lead you on/be a jerk/break your heart because you’re a queen.

    Here if you need me.

  43. That’s definitely weird; at least he gave you an actual reason rather than just saying it wasn’t working out i suppose but it still makes no sense.

    Learn and move on i guess…and find someone who is worthy of your awesomeness

  44. I had loved reading about the two of you because I was going through the same thing at the exact same time. “OMG, this boy is so nice and sweet and I can’t really believe that this is finally happening!”

    My nice, sweet boy ended it on Thursday. (But it was via email so at least your nice, sweet boy has some balls.)

    So, I guess the point of this is:
    a. girl, I know what you’re going through and it sucks and I’m so sorry
    b. yes, even the nice ones will break your heart.

    Hate hate hate.

    The end.

  45. p.s. Did I mention that I got the same “waiting to feel more but never did” line?


    I am bitter. For you and for me.


  46. Honestly, he sounds extraordinarily immature and he’s likely one of those people who just loves the beginning of relationships, but doesn’t actually want a relationship. He sounds like the type who would one day propose because getting engaged is “so fun”! But he would end it a month later. A little emotionally and mentally unbalanced perhaps. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will be better off without him. What a creep!

  47. Well, if he WAS being honest, then at least he had the balls to do so. But if he was lying, then he’s a prick. Either way, you may never know the verdict. All you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go out with your girlfriends. I’d buy you a drink, if I could.

  48. I’m shocked. That really did come out of no where. Dating sucks just for the pure fact that when you do find someone you like and it doesn’t work out then you have to lose your best friend. I know how you feel and I am so sorry.

  49. That blows my mind! I would have read the signs exactly like you. And to make it seem like meeting the parents was just another day is such a cop out. My first thought after reading your post was nothing like the possible reasons you listed. To me he sounds like a guy who has unrealistic expectations of a relationship, things like “a spark” would be a way to explain this arbitrary characteristic they look for. I’ve definitely heard of guys who use the lack of a certain feeling to explain a break up but it strikes me as lame. I don’t know if this was the boy’s reason or not. I do think he will come to his senses, but I think you’re better off with such mixed signals.

  50. Ok. He sounds flaky and emotionally dishonest. Instead of talking to his friends about how he felt about you he should have come to you earlier or kept it at dating only level. There is a certain level of maturity that is missing too.

    You did nothing wrong. You were not stupid, not blind, not foolish or naieve. You were honest, present and there. He clearly was not. His casual bringing folks over to meet his parents … for some reason or another I don’t like that either.

    YOU deserve better.

    Take a moment to see about your heart and yourself then make yourself available to love again, because YOU my girl are worth the effort and good, true solid love is worth the risk.

  51. I have no idea what to say except that I just want to hug you and split a bottle of wine. Email or chat me anytime you need or want to, ok?

  52. wow. I am surprised by him. Inviting you to a wedding, and then breaking up? Something just doesn’t seem right. I don’t want to sound cliche but if he was going to act like this, you are better with out him. If that makes sense! I am so sorry for you, and I hope you will feel better soon.

  53. Just wanted to add to the masses and say that you’re awesome and that you deserve all the good things in the universe.

    Hugs, lady.

  54. so sorry to hear this! You are better off without him. He clearly doesn’t know what he wants.

    I know its tough but stay stronger. I know you will!

    I’m here if you need me!

  55. gosh, that’s really frustrating. it’s one thing to break things off and have a reason for it, but another to do it and it just … make no sense. im sorry that it happened the way it did, and that you’re hurting. big, big hugs to you.

  56. ugh this is just annoying. i have definitely had this happen to me in the past and it’s just frustrating and upsetting and i’m sorry everything ended like this. i’m sending you a hug.

    actually on a lighter note, i would totally send you this right now 🙂

  57. I’m sorry this happened. It’s frustrating when you’re really trying to understand why it happened and if he was entirely being honest with you. It sucks and I don’t think he should have stopped seeing you. If anything he should have been honest with you about it and see if there could be anything you both could work on before breaking up. Again, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Hugs!!

  58. Wow, he totally came out of the blue on that one. Keep having faith in the nice guys though. He just wasn’t the best nice guy for you. Hope you are doing better.

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