Lukewarm

I feel like I’ve been taken on an adventure over the past week which was kind of exhilarating, but also extremely frustrating. And of course this has to do with The Boy.

We had a three hour conversation last Monday evening. After I told him about my horrible dating story, he told me I shouldn’t settle. He said I was a catch. Then he told me that he had been in a funk since he ended things and that he missed me. He told me that he was still confused, but that he really missed talking to me. He said he likes me, but isn’t sure that we’re “right for each other” or that we “have enough in common”. I asked him what all of this meant. Did he want to try to work things out? He said that he wasn’t sure and that he was really sorry for messing with my head.

We continued talking all week. He initiated each conversation, but I complied. I missed talking to him too.

On Sunday we had another long conversation. He told me that part of him wanted to try again, but that he was scared he would change his mind and he was petrified to hurt me. I told him I needed an answer one way or the other… soon. I couldn’t keep talking every day if we were just going to be friends. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. He said he understood.

Yesterday we talked again. He told me that he decided we should just be friends. I told him that was fine if that’s what he really wanted, but I didn’t want him to throw away this chance just because he was scared of hurting me. He said he couldn’t fully commit to me- some days he thinks he likes me a lot, some days he likes me but feels something is missing, and some days he thinks he is just lonely and wants a girlfriend.

And if that is how he honestly feels then I agree. We should just be friends. I don’t want a guy who is just lukewarm about me. So now begins the real journey of moving on as I attempt to move The Boy into the “friend” compartment.

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21 responses to “Lukewarm

  1. How stressful! I’m really amazed by how honest he is being, and I’m so glad you’re sticking to your guns and not jumping in just because it is comfortable.

  2. I know how that feels. I’ve been there for a while now. If you figure out how to move them completely into the “friend” category, please let me know. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Wow, he sounds really confused but I’m glad he was honest with you. Hopefully things won’t be this confusing anymore now that you two will be friends.

  4. It is great to see him being so honest with you, which I think makes him a great friend. Sometimes people come into your life for certain reasons that are different than you originially thought, and maybe he was meant to be just that. This should make things much easier now. โค

  5. I’m glad he’s being honest – but I wish you had been the one to say “if you can’t tell me you want to be with me, then the answer is No.” Waiting for him to say it just seemed painful and unnecessary. Anytime a guy isn’t enthusiastic about dating you, it’s a No. The reverse is also true – we need to be enthusiastic about them.

    Maybe take some space from him? Like a short month or something to let the feelings die down?

  6. Honestly I don’t even think you should be friends right now. This guy can’t commit to anything, and instead of dealing with his issues himself, he’s dragging you through them without paying any attention to how this affects you and makes you feel. Maybe someday you can be friends but right now if I were you I’d back off entirely. Give yourself some space and that way the next time he gets wishy-washy and decide to force you to deal with his crap, you’ll have enough distance not to allow it.

  7. StaceyParadise

    I guess I’m in Jess’s camp. I don’t think you should even be friends with this guy. I only say this because I adore you and I know you are worth much, much more. Look, here it is: Attraction is the most important thing in the beginning. Chemistry, butterflies, all that jazz. Whether or not you have “enough in common” isn’t really a problem. Sure, we meet people who are way different from us and we’re still attracted to them. My husband and I don’t have much in common at all. We like different music. I love to read and he’d rather drill out his eyeballs. He loooooooves sports and I’m more of a shopper – that’s how I get my cardio. You know what we do have in common? We’re crazy about each other. The rest works itself out. You are beautiful and eloquent and have a lot to offer the world. Don’t settle for this guy and his issues – not even as a friend!

    This is all to say, whatever you decide is totally your decision and none of my business. I just think you’re way too good for this guy!

  8. Be careful with the friends thing. I have been trying to be “friends” with my ex for oh about 6 months and it just kept getting too complicated because we had been together and I think we both still had a sliver of hope. So it kept putting us in the weird “what are we?” thing with each other which made us fight constantly. I miss him and his friendship so much, but I finally just had to step back and cut off all communication for a while so we would have time. I hope to talk to him again one day, but for now this is much less painful than where we were a month ago.

  9. MOVE ON! You deserve someone who KNOWS they like you and want to be with you! And yeah you should take the boy’s advice and DON’T SETTLE not even for him! I’m sorry if I’m sounding harsh, but I get so frustrated when guys play with girls emotions. It’s not right!

  10. Ah, this reminds me of the scene in Valentine’s Day, which I saw last night. I’m not sure if you’ve seen it, or are planning on seeing it so I won’t say anything about the movie, but you shouldn’t have to be considered. You should be wanted. You deserve to be wanted, miss.

  11. I agree too. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was is so blatantly unsure and I don’t you should either! Dating shouldn’t be so complicated this soon in. Either he really isn’t feeling it or he has unrealistic expectations. Regardless, I think you’re smart in listening to what he’s communicating to you loud and clear and move on! Because he is right, you are a catch!

  12. You are so much better than that, and should NEVER be someone’s “maybe.” Not okay! Personally, I’m glad you guys aren’t getting back together because he would have all the control this time around from the beginning and like I said, you deserve to be treated like a queen! That boy needs to figure himself out first and foremost.

  13. It sounds like since you’ll be friends that he’ll probably be wishy washy again. Just remember that conversation, maybe re-read this post. Know that you made a plea, which you didn’t have to and maybe shouldn’t have to do, and he turned it down. I think you can be friends! I hope the best for you, whatever that may be.

  14. I know you already decided that you and The Boy will just be friends but I just wanted to reiterate that you deserve MUCH more than him. This quote about sums it up:
    “Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you”
    If he doesn’t realize that you are an amazing girl and want to hold onto you with everything he’s got then he doesn’t deserve you.

    I never was able to master the transition from dating to just friends but good luck!

  15. something must be in the water. I know a guy who is going through a very similar thing. What pains they can be.

    You know where to find me if you need/want to chat about this ever ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. walkingonsunshine18

    Sometimes when you take a step back and leave things alone for a little while, they come back to you… or at least that’s what has happened to me in the past!

  17. I so agree with Jennifer
    MOVE ON
    You deserve someone that appreciates all you have to offer and doesn’t have to think about if its right–he just knows it. What’s wrong with these guys? Be patient. It will happen.

  18. Oy, we should hug.

  19. Sorry to hear that (I just stumbled upon your blog) but he sounds a little confused and he needs to sort himself out before he starts a relationship with someone. And you, as all women do, deserve to find a man who is crazy about you, not just lukewarm as you said.
    The moving into the friend compartment is tricky!! I have never managed to do that.
    Youยดll find your Mr Right soon, no doubt about it ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy Easter.

  20. Is this blog no longer? It’s been a while with no updates, and I miss it!

  21. We miss you! Come back! ๐Ÿ™‚

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