2009 In Review

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to Vegas with some amazing girls, graduated with my Master’s degree, took a cruise with two of my best friends, moved back into my mother’s house, got a job, bought a car, and turned 25.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions last year, although I promised myself that I would get a job. And I accomplished that, so… yay! I’m no, I’m not making any specific resolutions this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin had a beautiful little girl, Londyn.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God, I had enough of that in 2008.

5. What countries did you visit?
Belize and Honduras

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money- to pay off loans and to travel.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 20th- I graduated, May 23rd- one year anniversary of my dad’s death, July 15th- I moved back to Texas, September 20th- my 25th birthday, September 28th- I was officially hired for my first real grown up job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating and getting a job

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm… I haven’t had too many failures this year I guess…. there are some things I probably shouldn’t have done, but I don’t consider them failures.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I woke up incredibly sick on New Year’s Day. That was not fun.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All the new friends I’ve met since I moved back to Texas.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The media and government.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Toward my student loans and rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finishing grad school! Getting a job! Buying a car! Meeting a really nice/hot/funny/respectful boy!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Don’t Step Believing”- the Glee version

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Definitely happier, probably thinner (or about the same), and a lot richer. I love paychecks.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise. Talk to friends. Read.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about finding a job.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Austin with my mom, sister, and grandfather. And the boy and I watched The Proposal together that night.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee. And then Grey’s, Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother, The Office and Modern Family.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
Sadly, because I didn’t read much, Twilight.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
John Mayer. Although I liked him before, I’m sort of in love with his new album, Battle Studies.

26. What did you want and get?
A job.

27. What did you want and not get?
A better paying job.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
(500) Days of Summer.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got a pedicure with a friend, had lunch with friends and my sister, saw a movie (maybe? I don’t remember…) and then had dinner at The Melting Pot with friends and my mom. I turned 25.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to talk to my dad.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
More professional, mixed with a feminine casual cuteness.

32. What kept you sane?
Coffee.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Robert Pattinson.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage.

35. Who did you miss?
My dad. C. My roommate from NYC.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
The boy. Even though I technically knew him before, it doesn’t count.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Everything will work out. Stop worrying. Everything happens for a reason. Seriously, stop worrying.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“If fear hasn’t killed me yet then nothing will
All the suffering and all the pain
Never left a name
I’m in the war of my life, at the door of my life
Out of  time and there’s nowhere to run
I’m in the war of my life, at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight til it’s done”
-War of My Life, by John Mayer

#52 and #86 and Training for a 5K

When I created my 101 in 1,001 I didn’t realize how quickly it would change my life.

I have now begun setting goals, formulating plans for the bigger tasks, and brainstorming about how and when to fit each item on the numbered list into my life. And over the past four days I have managed to cross two items off my list! Hooray!

My friends and family are also helping me stay excited about my list. After telling them about the 101 in 1,001 challenege I was lent a new cookbook for attempting new recipes and was given an invitation for a cruise next summer. I was also reminded that I vowed to run a 5K next Saturday. Which means I should probably start “training” now. But more on that later.

I attacked my first item Saturday morning when I woke up before my alarm at 6:51am. The plan was to meet my friends for a short hike before the hot Texas sun become too unbearable. I say a short hike because the trail is only 3 miles. But it’s full of hills and creeks and twists and turns. It’s a lot fun, especially with two young dogs along for the adventure. And now I can cross 1/5 of item #52 off my list.

Saturday evening I had plans to watch the UT/LMU game with friends. I decided this was the perfect occassion to whip out the new cookbook and master some new recipes. I made Yum Yum Brownies and Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge. (Both recipes require only a box of cake/brownie mix and a can of pumpkin! Which technically, I know it’s really master of all difficult cooking, but it’s okay!) If you’re all about the quick-and-easy/partially healthy and delicious desserts, you must try these! So good! And they got raving reviews from my friends. 2/52 item #86, crossed off.

But back to the 5K. Seriously, I haven’t run more than a mile… ever. Which means I will be doing a lot of walking come Saturday. I also need to remember to update my ipod and make a motivating  playlist. Any recommendations?? I don’t want to be that girl lagging behind everyone else and looking like a sweaty dog. So please, help me with any tips, advice, and energizing running songs!

Until then, I’m going to get my butt in gear and go for a quick run around the block. Training begins… NOW!

Body Image, I’m a 70/30

I’ve had this post floating around in my head for months now. I haven’t written it yet for several reasons. One, it will make the issue all that more real for me. Two, I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to “copy” other bloggers since this has been a popular topic around the blogosphere lately. And third, it’s a subject that I don’t often allow myself to spend much time thinking about (since it’s not really an “upper”). Still, it is important to me and I wanted to share my own experience. Just know that I am writing this from the bottom on my heart.

70 percent of the time I am not comfortable with my body.

Which is absurd since I’m 5’2″ and weigh, on average, 115 pounds. I wear a size 2 or 4 in pants and extra small size in most shirts. I’m not fat, but I often feel like I am.

I know I’m not overweight. I know my BMI is healthy and “normal”. Still, most days I feel fat.

Of course, about 30 percent of the time I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. On those days I love that I’m not stick thin. I love that I have shape. I feel like my slender curves add to my appeal. I love that my calf muscles and my triceps are defined. On those days I am happy with my body and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Then I am met with the days of personal disapproval and dread. On those days I hate that I carry my weight in my thighs and butt. I hate the cellulite I have on the back on my legs. I hate that my stomach pooches out and isn’t completely flat. On those days I despise myself for not having a perfect body.

I don’t know I let myself feel like this. I’ve never had the perfect body (um, who has?). There are pictures of me in swimsuits where my inner thighs touch, even at five years old. I have always had a big, round butt which I don’t think it will ever go away, no matter how much I exercise. And I’m okay with that, really. It’s part of me that I’ve learned to love and embrace.

I have always made an effort to be healthy. I exercise, I don’t eat many fried foods (but I also don’t always watch what I eat). I eat small portions. I take the stairs rather than the elevator. I’ll do a set of 50 crunches before I go to sleep, if I remember. I try not to feel guilty and I try to be proud of my body.

In fact, I weigh ten pounds less today than I did the day I graduated from high school. But I don’t feel healthier; I think most of the weight loss has been muscle mass. I don’t exercise nearly as often. Back in those days, I took at least 5 hours of dance class a week, plus going to the gym at least 3 times a week. I was in shape.

All those dance classes did something to me, though. In second grade, during our dress rehearsal for The Nutcracker, wearing only a leotard and tights and standing in front on the full length mirror, I noticed my thighs were larger than the girl standing next to me. I felt my stomach drop. I was embarrassed and appalled at how my legs could be so huge. I was SEVEN when I became self conscious about my body. That feeling has never gone away.

In sixth grade, I walked three blocks home from school each afternoon. I dreaded it every day, but especially when I was wearing shorts, for fear that someone would look at the back of legs and think, “Wow, she is so fat, how can she stand herself?” I’m sure I weighed less than 100 pounds at the time.

I’ve come a long way since those pre-teen years. I’m much more confident (although sometimes  that is due to the positive  feedback and comments fed to me from other people), but I’m still working on it. I’d like to be more comfortable with my body. I’d like to not care if my legs feel like stubs some days. I’d like to each french friends and chocolate cake and not feel guilty afterward. I’d like to not freak out if I go up a pant size in a few years. (Hey, it’s bound to happen eventually!)

And I worry about getting older. Eventually my metabolism is going to slow down. My waist is going to fill out. My skin will begin to droop. And then what? I won’t be receiving those lovely comments from friends and strangers telling me how tiny I am. Then what? What will I be good for? If I’m no longer “tiny” then I must be big. And big is not attractive, right?

I know this is all crazy-talk, trust me. I know I have many other positive qualities. I know I’m smart and funny and sincere, and trustworthy. But if I’m not skinny, I feel like nothing else matters.

I’m not sure what my final point here is supposed to be. I guess I just wanted to explore some of my thoughts and feelings about my own body image issues. It’s still something I struggle with on a daily basis, but I think if we all become more vocal and open with our stories, we might feel a little less insecure and alone and little more supported. That’s my hope, anyway.